Football Poets

Portsmouth v Boro (01-02-2005)

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I cannot understand, no, not for the hell o’ me,
Boro’s alleged interest in Newcastle’s player, Bellamy,
The man has massive talent; of that there is no doubt,
But the ‘baggage’ he’d bring with him we can very well do without.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 So, it’s Fratton Park in Portsmouth for today’s vital contest,
And, so far this New Year, the Boro have not impressed,
We’re still seeking our first victory in the year two-thousand-five,
Which means we’re really struggling to keep our hopes alive.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The night is windless; without rain, conditions are quite perfect,
If we fail to get three points our hopes of Europe could be wrecked,
So it’s great that Christie’s back from lengthy rehabilitation,
And one hopes that it’s the very end of this player’s tribulation.

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 The referee lacks experience; Phil Crossley is his name,
And he’s taking charge tonight of just his second Premiership game,
The game gets underway and Quickly Downing shows great vigour,
To set up young James Morrison but he failed to pull the trigger.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Boro concede a free kick from a back-pass that was careless,
And already Steve McClaren is out there going hairless,
Then Zenden, who brought danger, raised his arm and said “I’m sorry, son,”
As the ball was headed out well clear, by the ever-vigilant Morrison.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Great strength came from Yakubu and totally wonderful control,
But the equally talented Southgate blocked the big man’s path to goal,
The corner was then cleared by Colin Cooper, with panache,
And it landed well for Primus but his attempt was rather rash.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Downing’s pace and skill saw him cross one hard and low,
As he sought to inflict damage and to set the game aglow,
Then came a challenge and deflection that really was a tough ‘n,
But the corner that resulted, sadly, proved to be a duff ‘n.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Fuller and Yakubu, using the pace with which they’re blessed,
Carved out an opportunity and put the Boro to the test,
Yakubu hit the target; the first shot of note for either side,
But Schwarzer saved the danger and can hold his head with pride.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Christie and JFH then attacked with renewed vigour,
And Jimmy made us all be believe he was about to pull the trigger,
The corner that then followed proved to be a total waste,
And set Jimmy’s eyes a’ rolling as he stood there, poker-faced.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 One long ball over the top (as in Rooney, last weekend),
Brought problems for the Boro which they found difficult to defend,
The highly skilled Yakubu, who never gives up the ghost,
Easily beat Mark Schwarzer and then most narrowly missed the post.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 It might well have been an own-goal, to send the three points up in smoke,
But he was restricted to a toe-poke and that thankfully shaved the post,
So we breathed a little easier as he failed marginally to convert,
And McMahon’s now on for Cooper, who, unfortunately’s been hurt.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Boro survived a penalty claim though it looked a decent shout,
And we played it by the whistle, just like any good boy scout,
Reiziger went to sleep and we were then let off the hook,
As Yakubu crashed to earth and booing Pompey fans all shook.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Ray Parlour struck from distance and ‘keeper Chalkias then fumbled,
Christie’s on it in a flash and finally Pompey crumbled,
These modern-day balls seem hard to hold and Christie quickly pounced,
To score his first in many months: his return is now announced!

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Then Schwarzer stood there, big and strong, when his services were needed,
But I, for one, was not surprised, when our advantage was conceded,
This time the slippery match-ball was dropped by ‘keeper, Mark,
And Taylor fired high into the net; so now the warning’s stark.

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Yakubu’s been a handful and given us the third degree,
They’ve had the better chances and he might well have scored three,
Still, all remains to play for in this truly vital tussle,
But, have we now sufficient time, commitment and the muscle?

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 ———-

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Yakubu flicks to Fuller as they’re fast out of the blocks,
And another really classy ball was chipped into the box,
A back-heel from Yakubu picks out Berger; now we’re sweating,
But the angle was just too acute and he fired into the netting.

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 Then it’s time for Pompey to feel that they’re in trouble,
As Christie’s homing in on goal and dreaming of a double,
One-on-one against the ‘keeper, who never sought to waive,
He stood up and acted bravely and then made an excellent save.

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 For the second time in minutes Patrik Berger found the netting,
It appears that the hosts ever much more dangerous are getting,
Then Schwarzer couldn’t hold a shot and, as though that wasn’t enough,
He gave away a corner though that was, thankfully, really duff.

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 Then every faithful Boro fan looks in wonder at the sky,
As Pompey score a second: now their tails are really high,
Fuller crossed the ball, which Yakubu did pursue,
In he slid: the ball was sliced: into the goal by Franck Queudrue.

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 Job’s brought on for Christie, who has played so very well,
And scored to bring him confidence after his long and troubled spell,
Urged on by Boro’s faithful fans, who continue to believe,
Though things may look quite different if we get no late reprieve.

¶ 22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 A rifled shot by Queudrue who, at times, can be erratic,
Did well and hit the target but was in no way problematic,
Applause for Pompey’s ‘keeper came from the home fans, one and all,
Not just because he made the save: he also hung on to the ball.

¶ 23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 Totally without feeling of what the Boro’s plight is,
Pompey seek to shore things up when they bring on Skopelitis,
There’s not much time left now for play and if I may be so bold,
The hosts are just ensuring, that what they have they hold.

¶ 24 Leave a comment on verse 24 0 For the final twenty minutes we had them constantly hemmed in,
But we couldn’t find the hero to save our favourites’ skin,
Despite Schwarzer standing all alone inside the visitors’ half,
2-1 will be the final score etched on Boro’s epitaph.

¶ 25 Leave a comment on verse 25 0 In added time the Pompey lads forced five corners on the trot,
Proving to all involved that, “what we’ve got, we’ve got,”
They kept it in the corner and we couldn’t beat their plan,
So, once again, three vital points went slipping down the pan.

¶ 26 Leave a comment on verse 26 0 A late yellow’s shown to Zenden moments before things ended,
That brings his score to five so, for the next game, he’s suspended,
The Pompey problem that we faced we somehow couldn’t master,
Three points were simply thrown away: an absolute disaster!

¶ 27 Leave a comment on verse 27 0 www.theborobard.co.uk