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The Offside Rule

neal zetter

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I’ve got 27 grade `A’ GCSEs
And been to Oxford and Cambridge universities
But something still turns me into a jabbering fool
I can’t explain the offside rule

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 I watch all Sky football and every Match of the Day
Study expert analysis and each replay
But there’s one aspect of soccer where I’m totally uncool
I can’t explain the offside rule

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 I’m a genius – my IQ’s 304
Name any FA Cup Final – I’ll tell you the score
But I’ve one weak spot that makes me feel so small
I can’t explain the offside rule

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Active or passive? I don’t know
Did the striker influence play? My confusion grows
Though Alan Hansen himself explained it to me (with a diagram and a ball)
I can’t explain the offside rule

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 When I watch Mastermind on TV I am such a whiz
I even know where my gastronemeous is
But when the ref’s assistant waves his flag my brain stalls
I can’t explain the offside rule

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 I’m clueless you see
It makes no sense to me
It’s one of life’s great mysteries
I’ve quizzed FIFA and UEFA and my games teacher at school
But I still I can’t explain the offside rule

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-offside-rule/