The Village Idiot
¶ 1
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Every football club has got them,
They’re tiresome, loud and ‘gobby’
There should be ways to stop them getting in,
Perhaps I will start a ‘lobby’
¶ 2
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I’ve had one or two sit next to me,
Up and down the years
Some have made me very angry,
Some have reduced me into tears
¶ 3
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The one thing that they all have in common,
Is their understanding of ‘the game’
Or should I say the complete lack of it,
Because the two don’t mean the same
¶ 4
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If we really have to allow them in,
It should be at twice the price
Or put them in a wooden box,
Now that really would be nice
¶ 5
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They could have their own part of the ground,
I’m not being sentimental
I merely want them all in the same place,
So they can drive each other ‘mental’
¶ 6
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They have an opinion on everything,
From the Bovril, to team formation
I’ve even heard them criticise
A ‘goal-scorers’ celebration
¶ 7
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They talk absolute crap throughout the game
It drives me around the bend
They arrive ten minutes into a match
Then leave five minutes before the end
¶ 8
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Maybe they could go and watch a different sport
Like cricket, tennis, or even that horse racing
Then at least it would make more sense
When they shout “play the way you’re facing”
¶ 9
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“I could do better than that myself”
“You don’t know what you’re doing”
Or when they get tired of shouting abuse
They always go back to booing
¶ 10
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The problem with the village idiot is
They always think they’re right
They wind everybody up to fever pitch
And in some cases cause a fight
¶ 11
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We’d be far better off without them
Can we get rid of all of them now, please
Or even better, can we dress them all in black
And make them ‘liners’, or referees
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