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Leeds Heavy 5 Goal Thrashing by the Gunners

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Leeds heavy 5 goal thrashing by the Gunners
Is up there with the season’s greatest stunners
The benchmark set in concrete by the Arse
Is built on a foundation of true class

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 No disrespect to Leeds but ’twas an awesome
Display of power, set up by Thierry’s foursome
His jinking runs and angles are unique
And all in all his standard’s “terrifique”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 While Arsenal dispensed a mega-mauling
And face it Leeds were frankly quite appalling
The fact one club can dominate this way
Is cause for great applause but some dismay

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 As top faced bottom in unequal duel
It gave us pause for thought and lots of fuel
For end-of-season inquests as to whether
In current form the Prem can hold together

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 The Arse came on in endless forward motion
And Leeds were tossed like salvage on the ocean
They made no headway in the heavy swell
As massive swamping fast began to tell

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 They must have wished they could abandon ship
When punished so severely for each slip
It’s more a case of every hand on deck
When faced with unavoidable shipwreck

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Don’t get me wrong Leeds showed a lot of pluck
But they’d have done well just to break their duck
They’re clearly not the top flight’s basket case
But all this year they’ve been miles off the pace

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 The title race is over bar the shouting
But Leeds must make the most of every outing
The Pompey game this Sunday is the crunch
To lift them from the relegation bunch

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 But even then they’re not out of the woods
The run-in simply must produce the goods
Buy hey don’t let the lads take all the blame
There’s winners and there’s losers in this game

Notes

I’m trying to broaden things out a bit from just
slagging Leeds – there’s a bigger picture. At the
same time, I try to make every line something that
could have been said in the pub, and that’s really the
basis of this focus on mind-blowingly awful rhyming
couplets – it’s the only way it works [for me anyway].
I know my constituency and I’m sticking with it!

Arsenal 5 : Leeds 0 on 17 April 2004

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/leeds-heavy-5-goal-thrashing-by-the-gunners/