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The Frankenstein of Football

Mike Cracknell

Saturday, February 28th, 2004

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 In the early ninetenth century,
As the age of science dawned,
Baron Frankenstein had a theory
Which all his colleagues scorned.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 He set about to prove them wrong.
He was sure he had found a way
Of bringing life to inanimate things
In spite of what others might say.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 He took bones from charnel houses
And some bits and bats from the vet.
He constructed some semblance of a man
Like a child with a Lego set.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Then with a touch of Gothic genius,
Before you could say knife,
By the power of electricity
He brought the creature to life.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 The creation was not a great success
Whichever way it was viewed.
Everyone called it a monster,
It was awkward, ugly and crude.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Let us move on a few generations.
It is the nineteen nineties now,
And a descendant of the baron
Has discovered the lost know-how.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Young Franz Frankenstein lived in Zurich
And was a dedicated Grasshoppers fan.
He unearthed the baron’s secret
And evolved a monstrous plan.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Whenever a famous footballer died
And went to play for his maker,
Young Franz went to steal the corpse
From the local undertaker.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 He mixed and matched and modified
Till he assembled a mighty frame.
He was sure that one with such physique
Would be outstanding in the game.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Young Frankenstein followed the method
His ancestor used, years before.
After a mighty surge of electrons
His superman rose from the floor.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Alas the result was much the same,
Another monster had been created.
It surpassed most men in terms of power,
But its intellect was sadly truncated.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Nevertheless it achieved success,
With a capacity for kicking hard.
Lack of distinction between man and ball
Invoked many a yellow card.

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 It never shirked a tackle,
It proved itself hard as nails.
Before long came the international call
To play for the Swiss against Wales.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 The match kicked off at Ninian Park.
Soon Wales were on the attack.
The monster jumped to head the ball
And ended up flat on its back.

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 It was the first time this had happened.
The monster growled “Some one’s in trouble.”
When the culprit was identified
It was glaring at its double.

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 As the two squared up to each other
They looked just like two clones.
The monster gasped when the other yelled
“Just watch it pal, I’m Vinny Jones!”

♥7

Notes

Perhaps Vinny Jones could be the new Boris Karloff?

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/the-frankenstein-of-football/