Oh England, what happened there?
¶ 1
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Oh, England,
So wretched, awful
Lifeless, listless
Lackadaisical, punch drunk
Sloppy and slovenly
A throwback to the
Bad, old days
Of World Cup 1986,
When dear Ray Wilkins
Once threw his toys
Out of his pram
And England laboured
To a goal-less draw
Against Morocco
Or similarly
When Wayne Rooney
Accused England fans
Of too many objections
After 0-0 against Algeria
Last night though
England lost their way
In World Cups from yesteryear
Against Denmark, though
Oh how we’ve been here
Before, have we not?
England, stuck in that
Now familiar rut
Where all the cogs and wheels
Are rusty and in desperate
Need of oiling
England, plodding through
A forest of divots
Reminding us of cabbage patches
Of 1970s England
Toiling grimly on German
Battlegrounds
Bellingham, Saka and Arnold
Careless and reckless
No bite or ambition
Total lack of co-ordination
Round pegs in square holes
England pre-occupied by
Big pay days just
Futile afternoons in Frankfurt
Handsome wage packets
How Gareth’s men are spoilt
For last night was simply
A disgraceful shambles
Criminal negligence
Rice and Foden
Strangers in paradise
No shame or remorse
But perhaps we’re being too
Harsh, a withering verdict
Surely though, utterly horrendous
And yet it could have been
So different
Harry Kane may have picked
A plum from a German orchard
With yet another goal
But Gareth this had to be
Seen through closed eyes
Turn our heads away, now
Farcically forgettable
Danes in tandem,
Singing from the same
Hymn sheet
Light years ahead of
England, in movement
Made to measure passing
All that remains
Is Slovenia by way
Of redemption
But then again
It could be too late
England home just in
Time for Glastonbury
On last night’s evidence
Lucky to be accepted onto
The main Sunday stage,
Headline act
At Sunday twilight
When nights are falling
And acres of summer darkness
Are surrounding English football
But hold on, let’s be upbeat,
It is coming home
Germany in Euro 2024 Final
If only it could happen
But after last night’s fiasco
We are, quite literally,
Coming home
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