Playing Away!
¶ 1
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He’s met a frau I don’t know how
As he watched the Germans play
But her indoors knew nothing
Of yer mans affairs away
¶ 2
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When the World Cup was over
He did’nt seem that bothered
At the sad England display
Much to his wife’s astonishment
The next day? Right as rain
¶ 3
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No moping round the house for days
No looking all moroser
The children became kinder
His idol was now Klose
¶ 4
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He enrolled himself in night school
Getting taught Der Deutsch
But her indoors was still in the dark
About the other frau his lover
¶ 5
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He’d talk in his sleep of Hannelore,
Schellinger and Seeler
His wife saught solace from her ma
“It’s a midlife crisis dear”
¶ 6
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On family holidays
He’d be the first one on the beach
Spreading all the towels out
On deckchairs within reach
¶ 7
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Week-ends were spent on Ryanair
“Tasting German art for college”
But in honesty the only taste he really got
Was for that of carnal knowledge
¶ 8
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Jet-lagged, tired and worn out
Mondays were a drag
Her indoors was on his case both night and day
All she did was nag
¶ 9
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Hamburg flags were stuck up
Where Union Jacks had been
Klinnsman’s portrait now stood proud
Sven? Dispatched to bin
¶ 10
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She never cottoned on, his wife
As she made his saurkraut
Even when copies of Bilde and Neu
Were delivered to the house
¶ 11
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His season ticket at Stamford Bridge?
Cancelled then and there
All future weekends played away from home
With help from Ryanair
¶ 12
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The morale of this story?
I’m not sure there’s one….perhaps
But if yer man goes chasing glory and the frau’s abroad
You’d best go with him to….. the match!
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