Football Poets

The Bard’s birthday

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Ladies and gentlemen
Could we please have
Some quiet and respect
For tonight’s honoured guest
And distinguished poet extraordinaire?
A little deference for
Our most honourable gentleman
A wordsmith par excellence
Comedy, tragedy you name it
He’s done it
Today is the Bard’s birthday
William Shakespeare
Now who do you fancy for the
Premier League title
Uncle William?
Will Arsenal have the
Greater staying power
And endurance
With five games to go?
Or will Pep have the
Guile and craft
To overhaul the
North London giants
And so Shakespeare and
His literary peers
Gather around the radio
In their low, timber beamed
Country pub
Listening excitedly to
Talk Sport or perhaps Radio 5 Live
Forget about that 2-2 draw
With Stratford Upon Avon
In that meaningless friendly
Would you kindly give us
Your considered opinion
Of VAR, that annoying
Blight on the football landscape
The offside wisdom in all
Of its chaotic confusion and
And mind blowing complexity
While never forgetting the
Draught excluder
Whose unintelligible idea was that?
Your compositions, comedies and plays
Were far superior
But football today
Much Ado About Nothing, we’d say
And yet there remains
A tangible art and beauty
To the game.
But then there was Macbeth
Do you think he’d have made the
Celtic first team squad
Or would he have rocked up
At Ibrox and audaciously
Demanded a run in the team
The Merchant of Venice
Of course there was the Italian
Nobleman Fabio Capello
Who once managed the England team
And finally there was Romeo and Juliet
The smouldering romance
That the FA Cup will always have
A sentimental place in your heart
So tonight the great Bard
Will take up his quill, ink and pen
And fondly reminisce
On the spectacular feats
Of Shanks, Bill of that name
Brian Clough,
Nottingham’s squire of
His manor
To be or not to be
That is the question why
Young man, let me never
Hear you doubt
About First Division Championships
And European Cup trophies
They mean the world to me
Oh before we go dear William
Tell your beloved wife
Anne Hathaway
That you’ll have egg and chips
For tea
And make sure
That Match of the Day
Has also been recorded for posterity
We know how much you look forward
To that, after a fretful day
On those seething terraces
It’s a flagon of mead
Kind sir
Your good health
Shakespeare, you deserve it.

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