Christmas Daze!
¶ 1
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Mum’s stuck in the kitchen
Dad’s been on the piste
Grandad won’t stop whistling
As Queen Lizzie reads out her Christmas wish.
¶ 2
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Me I’m lying on the floor
Fighting back the tears
Cos me drunken old man’s gone and torn
Me brand new Subbuteo teams pitch.
¶ 3
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Bonetti’s just been trampled on
Chopper Harris smashed
Alan Hudson’s got no arms or legs
Both goalsmouths have been trashed.
¶ 4
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When the old man’s on the whisky
He’s always doing things like this
Staggering through the scullery
And trampling on me pitch.
¶ 5
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George Best’s been knocked over
Denis Law’s been cracked
Bobby Charlton’s neath the sofa
Harry Gregg has snapped.
¶ 6
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Mum has blown for full time
She’s grabbed her hat and coat
One more glass of sparkling wine
And she’ll get Dad by his throat.
¶ 7
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The whole day’s out the winder
Last year just the same
When he ruined the Christmas dinner
Me mother almost slayed him.
¶ 8
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Serves him blimmin right the sod
For going on the piste
But why’d he have to come sloshed
And tear up my new pitch?
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