• Famous buns of history (Part 1)
    What kind of bun did Paddy Mulligan throw? Did he throw an oul’ bun at all? Did it make one boss So hot and so cross That he wouldn’t give Paddy the ball? Was it London, was it Saffron, was it Chelsea? Was it buttered or was it plain? Or perhaps it was Bath That […]
  • Won’t you give us a goal?
    Won’t you give us a goal, Mickey Leech, Mickey Leech? A scrambled deflection or thirty yard peach, Or, just to be greedy, perhaps one of each. For the winter hiatus That seems to deflate us Is almost upon us, So please do the honours And give us a goal, Mickey Leech. Won’t you give us […]
  • The gaffer regrets
    The gaffer regrets he’s unable to lunch today, madame, The gaffer regrets he’s unable to lunch today. He is sorry to be delayed, But did you see the way the national team played, Madame? The gaffer regrets he’s unable to lunch today. When he woke up and found that the Cypriots were one up, madame, […]
  • Let’s do it
    Slavs do it, Poles do it, Even Ferdinand and Scholes do it, Let’s do it – let’s score a goal. Heads do it, knees do it, Somersaulting Japanese do it, Let’s do it – let’s score a goal. And down in Cannes, bored film fans do it In the cinema queues, And in Saipan, Yin […]
  • Sweet Valentine
    If only you’d have eyes for me, Oh sweet assistant referee. If you could tear your eyes from play And turn around and look my way, And if our eyes should chance to meet, Assistant referee, so sweet, I’m sure (though somewhat loathe to brag) You would not raise your offside flag. I swear I’d […]