• Football as Religion – The One True Path
    It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, Than for a rich fan to enter heaven.
  • ON SEEING A BUS WITH A SIGN “SORRY I’M NOT IN SERVICE”
    I saw a bus the other day, No destination or number at the top, Just an apologetic sign saying “Sorry I’m not in Service”; What intrigued me was not the fact That the bus could read and write, Which is, Admittedly, Remarkable enough, In itself, But rather, How many lower division centre forwards Should have […]
  • Why the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food is just like a Referee
    “You don’t know what you’re doing”
  • On Being Told That Your Knee Is Knackered
    “You’ve got ulcerated bone where the tibia meets the femur.” “What’s that mean then?” “It means you’ll never kick a ball again, son.” “What, no more lying horizontal to the Earth’s surface, Three feet up in the air, And scoring with a flying volley? No more flinging your coats down on the ground And arguing […]
  • Why I hate Rugby
    In the year of Our Lord, 1800 and 23, William Webb Ellis invented rug-bee, He was playing football, when just for fun, He picked up the ball and away he did run; At a fee paying school, the pupils are master, The teachers all cried, “Good Show, Ellis, just run faster! Carry the ball and […]