Football Poets

The final word from Berlin

And so we bow our heads again
The final word from Berlin
Is Auf Wiedersehen Gareth
Or maybe not
Once again England slump
To the ground
Heads buried in silent
Incomprehension
The pain of defeat
Indescribable
It could have happened
But somebody lost the script
Now that’s simply careless
Saturated, sodden and soaked
In anonymity
The Iberian peninsula
Now laughing sadistically
In the face of English
Inadequacy
First it was Italy
And now Spain
How can we ever face
Those smug waiters
From Barcelona?
Cruel, sadistic pleasure
Carved deeply into their faces
Creases and wrinkles
On their foreheads
Grinning with sheer delight
Those English will never learn
That’ll teach them
To mock Torremolinos
And those distant holiday
Stereotypes of donkeys
In shopping bags,
Sombreros flopping
Forlornly at Customs
England, desolate
The darkest hole of
Despondency
It’ll never come home
In fact, it’s still stuck
In a Madrid department store
Gathering dust
Look at that lonely
Baggage carousel at Berlin
Airport, oh woe is an England fan
It could hardly be further away
From home
It’s marooned at a German car park
Of course we believed
Because we fondly thought
We had this one in the bag
Yamal, Williams, Ruiz,
Morata
Simply Spanish obstacles
Barring our way
World class performers
Certainly not
And yet they were
Unmistakably so
England, those cocksure peacocks
In white
Masters of hubris
Arrogant beyond reason
They only had to turn up
On the night
Simply not the case
It’s not coming home
Rather retiring to
Some desert island
Where none can bother them
A floating island of insularity
Passports lost
We’ll eventually find our way
Home but not today,
Nor tomorrow or tonight
And yet if only Cole Palmer’s
Stunning shot and equaliser
Had broken open the treasure chest
The folks back home
May well be on your side
But lightning has struck twice
And now it’s two Euro Final
Defeats in a row
It’s the Holland syndrome
When World Cups were
Snatched away from the Dutch
In 1974 and 1978
But that’s the most
Pathetic comparison
Because England could only
Have fantasised about
Total Football
Last night the tank was empty
England, soulless, desperate
Repetition again
Puffing and panting
After red Spanish shirts
Wandering around in a German wilderness
Barely able to string a sentence together
Passes destined for Munich
Bellingham, beaten into submission,
Declan Rice and Phil Foden
Out on their feet
Exhausted, gaunt and haggard
Lead them to a hotel and beach
But certainly not Majorca
Harry Kane, it’s the end of
His England road
Last night it was his swansong
Maybe one day
We’ll be pleasantly surprised
But oh sorry Sir Geoff
It’ll be 60 years and
Nowhere even remotely close
To bringing it home
But there will always
Be an England

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Euro 2024: FINAL: It’s not, you know

So near and yet so far….
and yet here we are
beaten finalists
beaten by a better team
who tramped all over
our burgeoning dream

Worthy winners Spain
brought pain
to our shores…
we rowed our oars
to Southgate’s drumbeat….

But should that tattoo
have been to a more upbeat tempo?

And yet, maybe Gareth’s not to blame?
Like, who was it put into SatNav
Albion’s postcode?
Entering “Madrid” instead of “Moss Side”…..
Easily done?
Predictive text?
Or just eternally hexed?

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England- your country needs you

Oh, England, England
How your country needs you
To just win, nothing else
Nothing more
Picturesque, rural
Spread out like a picnic
Hamper over the fields
And timeless meadows
Across the matchless
Lake District
The Pennines,
The peak of the
Peak District
Gushing forth
An abundance
Of water, cowslips,
And richly uplifting
Yellow cornfields
Overlapping folds
Of private patchwork
Quilts of countryside
Shivering in the breeze
Of our hopes and dreams
Where the village pubs
Tonight will reveal
Gareth Southgate’s England
We are now at journey’s end
The final destination
Spain in Euro 2024 Final
A pint of your best
Barman and barmaid
A thousand glasses of
Amber celebration
For family and friends
If, after 58 years
It wends its weary home
We stand on the verge
Of history’s judgement day
It’s been far too long
Yesterday they gave us
The 1966 World Cup Final
In its colourised splendour
We salute you Channel 4
If only today’s generation
Could use yesterday as a perfect
Inspiration, a reminder
Of what can be done
It’s feasible, possible
Quite definitely
We can replicate that
Golden day yet again
And of course Labour
Were in charge on the
Day of Sir Alf Ramsey’s
Release from the chains
Of solemnity and seriousness
It has to be tonight
Because if not
Then it’ll be exactly
60 years next time around
In the USA, Canada and Mexico
Another World Cup again
Seize the day
Carpe diem England, today
No more delaying tactics
Pausing on the ball
And just waiting for
Something to happen
We have faith and trust
Of course we fear
The Holland syndrome
Of two successive defeats
In tournament Finals
For 1974 and 78
West Germany and Argentina
Dutch pass masters
Blasted out of the water
For 2021 read tonight
Let’s do it
One more time tonight
Blighty, believe in
The law of averages
It has to be England’s turn
Oh surely
Richly merited victory
Against all the odds
Even though
It was a horrific watch
Come on England

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Euro 2024: FINAL: pre-match nerves!

We stand at the water’s edge….
shall we succumb
to Salacia’s salty stare
and drown in our sorrow?
Or will tomorrow’s
final
be the time to draw upon
our modern armada – a flotilla of faithful fans
egging us beyond the Spanish Inquisition….
can we change history
and be in a position
as the “most fortunate fleet”
that tasted danger
and drew back from defeat….
can we be the crew
to create a hullaballoo – and get the scores
that steers the trophy 
to Albion’s shores?!?!?!

~ ~ # ~ ~

Be like!

My message to the lads….
Be like our Olympians
winners one and all
grafters, fighters
who held us in our thrall

be record breakers, like Mark Cavendish
full of verve and grit
and with a lethal finish – all about timing
be like the War Poets
facing adversity and atrocity
and yet came out rhyming

be like the Queen (God rest her soul)
for whom unity and service
was her regal goal

be like me – like us!
forever full of dreams
supporting our teams – through thick and thin
never ceasing, nor unwavering….
but then be unlike us
and make it to the top of Everest…
so that we might all share
this victory
and so that our mouths, will never rest!   😉

and finally
be like Sir Winston Churchill
inspired and inspiring… especially Gareth….
get us flying down the wings
and with the clever use of subs
bring us victory to savour, forever
@ our clubs and pubs!!!!

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Euro 2024: Semi-Final :-)

Ollie, Ollie, Ollie
Oi, Oi, Oi!
Ollie
Oi!
Ollie
Oi!
Ollie, Ollie, Ollie…
Ploy, ploy, ploy!

Ollie, Ollie, Ollie
Oi, Oi, Oi!
Ollie
Oi!
Ollie
Oi!
Ollie, Ollie, Ollie…
JOY! JOY! JOY!

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Euro 2024: Sufferfest!

I could not sleep
I could not work
all this pent-up nervousness
just drove me berserk!

And so I tried listening to Bob Dylan….
“the nerves, they are a-changing”
yes indeed they are…. escalating upwards!

And so I tried listening to Queen….
“We are the Champions, we are the…..”
no,no,no, too soon, don’t want to jinx the lads!

And then I tried listening to the Stones….
“I can’t get no, oh no, no, no”
“Hey, hey, hey, that’s what I say”
“I can’t get no, satisfaction…”
And confusingly, we didn’t, 
even though
we’ve reached the semi!!!

I tried to get all contemporary, by listening to Taylor Swift….
“I could build a castle out of all
the bricks  they threw at me!”…..
oh yes, how that would truly resonate
with the much maligned, “Garrison” Southgate!

So, as the kick-off draws near
we’re filled with hope, yet filled with fear
which we’ll doubtless rebuff
with copious amounts of beer!

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Euro 2024, Q-F: Doom Loop

Pre-match…
our hopes were muted
any overt optimism disputed….
and just like the election
there’s too much circumspection

mid-match…
well, our overall play has improved
if only slightly
but dare we say it
we’ve started brightly

on 75 mins…
doom, gloom
dominates the room
oh lor, where is our saviour?
where is our Keir Starmer?
then glory be
on comes Cool Palmer!

at 90+ mins….
oh, so we’ve equalised
and we go into extra-time
but can we up our game
and approach it in our prime?

Penalties!!….
unfortunately, we’ve been here before
and it’s not generally our forte…

then bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
five out five
penalties of unexpected quality
and so now we face the semi-final
in a state of heightened frivolity!!!!!

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