Football Poets

Don’t Sell DCL

You can sell Tosun, Iwobi, Sigurdsson,
They’re not fundamental to our plans.
And Pickford can depart,
It wouldn’t break our hearts,
He drops too many clangers,
He just doesn’t look the part.

But don’t you dare sell,
Don’t sell our DCL,
I just don’t think we’d understand.
Can play up front alone,
He isn’t inj’ry prone,
He’s pretty much the Leader of the Gang.

James is often crocked, so he too can be flogged,
He’s not so essential to our plans.
He’s fine when fully fit,
He lights up the whole pitch,
Yet p’rhaps we would do well
To sell him back to Real Madrid.

But don’t, please don’t sell,
Don’t sell our DCL,
He’s absolutely crucial to our plans.
He’s up there with the best,
Dean, Latchford and the rest,
In plain and simple English, he’s The Man!

There’s loads more on our books that you could call dead wood,
I don’t think I need say who they are.
But they too could be sold,
They’re mostly rather old,
And wouldn’t bring in too much
At a Car Boot or bazaar.

But don’t sell our Dom,
Our Totem, our Icon,
I don’t think he really wants to go.
He’s fine at Everton,
We love him like a son,
And most importantly, he gets the goals!

19/1/21
Denys E. W. Jones

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Dies Vini Rosarumque

The autumn is a gloomy time,
The leaves fall from the trees.
Hard rains pour down, wild west winds blow,
And other things like these.

But we’re not feeling sad just now,
Our mood is quite upbeat,
Because we’re winning all our games,
Which means we’re still unbeat.

And what to say ’bout DCL?
He scores in every outing!
His critics are an extinct breed,
Nobody now is doubting.

No doom or gloom for us today,
We’re soaring, flying high,
We’re looking down on all the rest,
Above us only sky.

For some October may be bleak,
But not for us Bluenoses,
We would not call these dismal times,
They’re days of wine and roses!

We’re feeling rather chipper now,
Indeed, could not be merrier,
Because so pretty we do sit
Alone, atop the Premier.

5/10/20
Denys E. W. Jones

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Who are you, Cazoo?

Who are you, Cazoo?
What do you make or do?
Concoct some alcoholic brew?
Or manufacture paint or glue?
This is what I wished I knew,
When first I heard the name Cazoo,
Because I did not have a clue.
So I did a spot of Googleoo,
Now I know all about Cazoo –
They sell folk cars that have been used.
But still one thing I wish I knew,
Because I do not have a clue:
What has on earth Cazoo to do
With our beloved Royal Blue?
It seems some sort of deal went through.
They waved around wads of spondoos.
Now there’s Cazoo for all to view,
Splashed right across our Royal Blue.
To most of you it won’t be news
To read that I do not approve
Of trade names like this here Cazoo,
Emblazoned on the Royal Blue.
I wish they’d just say “Toodleoo”,
Leave us to do what best we do.
Nil Satis Nisi Optimu’,
Are words that most suit Royal Blue.

27/7/20
Denys E. W. Jones

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The Times

Everton scored for the trinity of the result
They scored only to be really bemused
Some credulity was shaken without a clear reason
The goal
The fans lived the two feelings
The goal and the ruled out goal
The venue was Maine Road
Where was the V A R?

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Dead and Buried

They thought we were dead and buried,
Two minutes to go till half-time.
We’re sure we were dead and buried,
But there’s always hope where there’s life.

They thought we were dead and buried,
Two down, not much left on the clock.
We counted ourselves dead and buried,
But then Yerry Mina struck…

He poked the ball into their net,
Raced back to the centre-spot,
And seconds before the ref blew for half-time,
Another goal home did slot.

They thought when we’d made it two-two,
That we’d be content with the draw.
But though down to ten men, when the ninetieth came,
Theo Walcott a third goal scored!

So all football fans just remember,
Two minutes can be enough time,
To come back from the dead, and prove once again,
That there’s always hope where there’s life.

3/2/20
Denys E. W. Jones

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Nineteen Ninety-Five

Do you remember ninety-five?
Were you alive in ninety-five?
Blur had a House in the Country.
Oasis Rolled with It.
John Major lived in Number Ten.
The Beeb had the rights to the Cricket.
The Pound was strong in ninety-five.
No-one got knifed in ninety-five.
No, nothing wrong with ninety-five.
Bill Clinton in the White House.
We’d never heard of Trump.
Everton went to Wembley,
And won the FA Cup.

7/1/20
Denys E. W. Jones

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Sweet Success

“Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne’er succeed.”
And more than most we Blues have learned
Exactly what that means.

For when it comes to derbies,
We rarely come up trumps,
The Reds are usually cock-a-hoop,
While we’re down in the dumps.

Once more we’re singing Bluenose Blues,
Red flags are flying high.
The Reds are down the pub with Klopp,
All we can do is cry.

We had a win at Goodison
Around two thousand ten.
Last time we won across the Park?
I can’t remember when.

Yet crumbs of comfort can be found
In this hour of sore need.
The day’s not too far off, we feel,
When we’ll at last succeed.

With Ancelotti at the helm,
A wind of change is blowing.
The seas are rough, the going’s tough –
We’re tough, and we’ll get going.

And soon, before too long, we trust,
We’ll hit a winning streak.
And then to us who ne’er succeed,
Boy, won’t success taste sweet?

6/1/20
Denys E. W. Jones

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