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A Planner in the Works.

HUGH MORRIS

Friday, December 26th, 2003

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 From the Council Meeting
In the town of Killiecuddie,
Came some most unpleasant words
Like “Damn” an’ “Blast” an’ “Bluddy,”
Item 5 on the Agenda
Was the local football ground,
For according to the City Plan
The land had not been zoned…

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 “Does that mean we canna use it?”
Squawked Councillor McTwit,
The Mayor looked apoplectic,
Like he was ’bout to have a fit,
And Councillor O’Flatulence,
A great big Irish chap,
Explained that, “Legislatively,
We must erase it from th’ map…”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 “OVER OUR DEAD BODIES !”
Roared the public gallery,
“We’re th’ citizens o’ th’ toon
An’ our rates pay y’r salary !”
Then Councillor McCliche said,
“Foo’ball’s a funny game,
We’ve got t’ give it our bes’ shot,
Or hang our heads in shame…”

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 The meeting lasted fourteen hours,
While Council had a mass debate,
Then the Mayor clambered to his feet,
And said, “It’s gettin’ late,
So let’s ask our employee
Who drew up th’ City Plan,
Tho’ he has a vest’d int’rest,
‘Cause he’s a loyal foo’ball fan…”

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Up spoke the City Planner,
Awoken from his doze,
“M’ Lord May’r an’ Counc’llors,
Listen t’ th’ one who knows…
I watch Killiecuddie Rovers,
Wearin’ m’ supporters scarf,
And always see opposin’ teams
Camp’d in th’ Rovers’ half…

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 That’s Temp’ry Residential
Accordin’ t’ th’ law,”
Council nodded and agreed,
The City Planner knew the score…
So Killiecuddie Football Ground
Became a Residential zone,
But only on alternate weeks,
When the Rovers played at home…

© Llew Beaton 26 December 2003.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/a-planner-in-the-works/