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Assistant Referees

Peter Goulding

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 In all my life I ne’er did see
A good assistant referee.
The very few who know their stuff
Don’t raise their damned flags soon enough,
While all the rest are useless, for
They just don’t get the offside law.
They shirk away from risky calls,
Ignore all free kicks and handballs.
Their job, the wond’ring fans suppose,
Entails indicating throws,
And guessing, when put on the spot,
If someone is offside or not.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 And while I’m here I’d like to say,
That, when the ball runs out of play,
Why can’t the linesman stop the ball?
Is that beyond his skills at all?

Notes

Written in a fit of pique at yet another crap decision.
I realise, of course, how unfair such a sweeping generalisation is to the 0.0001% of them who are any good.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/assistant-referees/