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Cramp is soooo 60’s

John J O’Connor

Saturday, March 2nd, 2019

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Cramp is soooo Sixties
Modern players don’t do cramp
They have cool injuries
Like metatarsals and ACLU’s
They do warm ups and warm downs
They Have personal masseurs and dietitians
They’re up to date on all nutrition’s
but they don’t do cramp

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Cramp was for knackered, mud caked warriors
in the century gone by
who had literally ran themselves
into the torn up hallowed turf
with socks ran off
down to their ankles, exposing to the world
their battered shins.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Many’s the time a sporting opponent would lift the leg
and press the player’s toes towards his gasping chest
to relieve the excruciating agony of the tightened muscle.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Back then only goalies didn’t do cramp
everyone else did
The moments of diving around in the mud
Were occasionally interrupted with a lull in play
When the goal custodian would have a little stroll around his six yard box,
Maybe do the odd stretch or two
Always being careful to not exert himself.
Cos goalies didn’t do cramp.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 So, if you ever read a football history book
and the piece on goalies cruise
You’ll find that the only keeper who ever got cramp
was Kepa of the Blues

Notes

How on earth in this day and age can a finely tuned, athletic goalkeeper, with more bottles of water in the net than Tesco’s get cramp?Think that the ego’s of Kepa Arrizabalaga and coach Sarri came into play here. Kepa fancied himself being the hero saving the peno’s and I think Sarri saw himself being acclaimed a coaching genius by having the foresight to bring on ex- Man City keeper Will Callaberos for the shoot out. Just wondering if Kepa had won the game for Chelsea would he have still been fined? I doubt it. Also wondering what if he had been playing for the likes of Shankly, Clough or Fergie and he pulled that stunt. Got a feeling that a couple of hours after the game he’d be in the departure lounge at Heathrow Airport with a one way ticket to Madrid in one hand,his kit bag in the other and the fragments of a hairdryer stuck in his head.

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Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/cramp-is-soooo-60s/