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Cramp is soooo Sixties
Modern players don’t do cramp
They have cool injuries
Like metatarsals and ACLU’s
They do warm ups and warm downs
They Have personal masseurs and dietitians
They’re up to date on all nutrition’s
but they don’t do cramp
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Cramp was for knackered, mud caked warriors
in the century gone by
who had literally ran themselves
into the torn up hallowed turf
with socks ran off
down to their ankles, exposing to the world
their battered shins.
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Many’s the time a sporting opponent would lift the leg
and press the player’s toes towards his gasping chest
to relieve the excruciating agony of the tightened muscle.
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Back then only goalies didn’t do cramp
everyone else did
The moments of diving around in the mud
Were occasionally interrupted with a lull in play
When the goal custodian would have a little stroll around his six yard box,
Maybe do the odd stretch or two
Always being careful to not exert himself.
Cos goalies didn’t do cramp.