Football Poets

OK Please don’t scream or send in offensive emails , but yes it is true .honestly.

Yesterday I was at Stamford Bridge with Albert Nyathi (Zimbabwe’s premier performance poet and on tour here now ) being shown around the ground by the Educaton Dept (nothing to do with the job I’m applying for, I hasten to add (phew!) We even took some great mock-pics of myself and Albert in the press room of myself and Albert at the desk ,speaking and acceptiiong the new post. I also want to make 100% clear that this poem is NOT my ACTUAL application. This is just a poem !

I have sent off a “proper appplication” letter +CV to Mr A and Mr K and have officially applied for the job of Chelsea manager – even though I am NOT the official club poet.. and even though I have absolutely NO experience whatsoever of football management at all and don’t even like using capitals ! I do however feel I can help people , footballers and fans express themselves both on and off the pitch , allegedly!

What I do bring to the football poetry and management table is :
a lot of experience of life and of writing lots of lots of poems. (Apparently?) More importantly , I (we) have managed over 10,600 poems here for the last 8 years ..All this , with the obvious help of co-editors Clik The Mouse and Peter Goulding, (not forgetting P.Maguire, Stu Butler, Dave Cockcroft,K.Raymond etc; ) who I would of course invite to join my techincal poetry-coaching staff ..SHOULD my appllcation prove successful and of course ONLY if the money was right?

There is also the added in-valuable background of my joy and loving travelling when i can afford it (er Champions League -hello?) not to mention being able to type . If further evidence of suitability were required, I’ve also done loads of live gigs and festivals, and I like big crowds . In short I’m a tree and fan-huggin’- football-lovin’-maverick- pacifiist- artist-,alternative-vegetarian-yoghurt-topped-performance individual into the environment , music and peace. I love culture but have little respect or affinity for the so-called ‘celebrity’ culture. Millionaire egos beware but to counter-act that I do have an enviable penchant for collecting rock and football badges, old early mobile phones, early star wars figures,back stage passes.,other assorted football memorabilla (get thee hence E-Bay) …

plus I also love drawing , gardening but am rubish at DIY . I’m totally into acting, comedy, the planet, libraries and especially Reading and
‘Riting but not ‘Rithmetic’ I’m sure Chelsea would have someone that could look after that, side of stuff, re money and things… but i would ask first just to be certain.

I also felt if Basil (Stuart Butler’s wily terrier) could apply for the job of Egland manager some year’s ago (check the archives sections) then why can’t I apply for the job at Chelsea.At least I’m not just a dog! (ouch). Sorry Bas – please don’t take that in an anti-canine way. I like dogs. but not when they jump all over you and sniff you.. and their parents /owners say “don’t worry he’s just friendly” yeah right..but..will I get a reply? Watch this space!PS will Basil apply ?.I don’t think so . His “life human partner”Stuart is a Swindon fan..Nuff said. Gauntlet thrown…?