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Football Limericks XI #2

Jools Hampton

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 A Ref from Hampstead

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 There once was a ref from Hampstead
Whose power went straight to his head
When a striker went down
And rolled on the ground
He sent off the chairman instead

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 A Team from Peru

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 There once was a team from Peru
Whose tactics were considered taboo
The opposition in fright
Would cover their sight
As the away strip was clearly see through

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 An Old Striker from Spain

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 There was an old striker from Spain
Who gradually became so insane
He’d kick footballs
At giant windmills
And don a suit of amour at the game

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 A Goalie from Greece

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 There once was a goalie from Greece
Who had a taste for feta cheese
No team could score
He’d stop every ball
Because he’d become so extremely obese

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Mohammed Salim *

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 There once was a man of such feat
Who travelled to Glasgow to compete
From Calcutta he came
A master of the game
And such skill for a player in bare feet!

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 William “Fatty” Foulke**

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 There once was a keeper named Foulke
Who was a blue of unbelievable bulk
At away ties
He ate all the pies
And turned into the incredible hulk

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Lord Kinnaird ***

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 There once was a Footballing Lord
Who had such a remarkable record
He’d hack at the shins
Of Old Harrovians
But don’t speak of the own goal he scored!

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 A Forward from France

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 There once was a forward from France
Who yearned for a chance of romance
A keeper from Nancy
Tickled his fancy
So at the end of the game they swapped pants

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 A Player from Tottenham

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 There once was a player from Tottenham
Who was a notorious con man
He’d pick up the ball
And run into the goal
Because he wore both boots on his hands

19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 Extremely Athletic

20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 There once was a winger from Athletic
Who was extremely energetic
When he ran for the ball
He finally stopped in Nepal
And for this he was ever so apologetic

21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 A Mad Coach from Swansea

22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 There was a mad coach from Swansea
Who held a science degree
He caused such a stir
When he created a monster
Who demanded a much larger fee

Notes

*Mohammed Salim played for Glasgow Celtic in 1937.
A spectacular winger, who played in bare feet. By all accounts a very decent man.

**William “Fatty” Foulke played for Chelsea from 1905 to1906.
He weighed 24 stone (150 kg) and was 6ft 4 in.
He was a true football character and very temperamental. The chant “Who ate all the pies?” is thought to have been originally about him!

*** Lord Arthur Kinnaird. He played in Nine FA Cup finals. He scored the first significant own goal in football history. In 1873, he played for Scotland in the 2nd ever international game against England.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/football-limericks-xi-2/