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Hippies and Crusties and Football and Ethics

Thomas Longbellow

Thursday, November 15th, 2001

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 By the banks of River Mersey,
Near the dirty Ship Canal,
Stood the tepee of some crusties,
Deep down in a dark dank dell.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Dark behind it was Old Trafford
Over there stood Maine Road too,
Goodison and nearby Anfield,
So many grounds just north of Crewe.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 But the crusties liked not football
Their taste was for special brew,
Infrequent wash in Big Sea Water,
No bath at all when north of Crewe.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 But a hippy called Nkomis
Travelled up from near Port Vale,
Said time has come to watch some football,
We’ll travel north to see Rochdale.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Travellers went and packed their tepees,
And their trusty bus and vans,
Bedecked in scarves and feathered headdress,
They were unusual football fans.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 They travelled north along the M6,
Looking for some buffalo herd,
Which was really rather stupid,
For vegans who like tofu curd.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 At length they came up to old Spotland,
Home of Rochdale AFC,
Where they ate the local meat pies,
At half-time with cups of tea.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Meat pie make Nkomis angry,
Hiawatha left the ground,
Searching for some veggie victuals,
To Bolton Wanderers now they’re bound.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 But Bolton it was not organic,
Just meat pies their pedalled ware,
Brought from previous reservation,
Burnden crusts they bought from there.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 So crusties travelled on to Oldham,
Name it was not promising,
Not suggestive of fresh produce,
Or Robert Hope, or Crosby, Bing.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Blackburn Rovers was the next stop,
Hoping for some curried veg,
But “Souness British Victuals Meat Shop”
Only sold beef lard on bread.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 So the crusties went to Burnley,
To the ground they call Turf Moor,
But no tofu did they find there,
Only food for carnivore.

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Proud Preston next, home of the plumber,
Hope perhaps for solid food,
But Preston proved to be a bummer,
The meat pies there no one could chew.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Stockport next is where they travelled,
Hoping for a better time,
But the pies there disappointing,
Pies there all were made from swine.

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Tranmere, Bury, Blackpool, Wigan,
Wandered up and down the pier,
Thought of watching some more football,
Went instead to pub for beer.

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 There in dream-time found a ley line,
Followed it on down to south,
Talked to bees and birds in forest,
Who spoke to crusties, word to mouth.

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Birds and bees, they say “Nkomis,
You are our favourite football fan,
Here’s the bread for you to set up
Chips and Tofu Mobile Van.

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 Have a sidekick run the van with,
Hiawatha be his name,
You take all the profit forthwith,
Hiawatha take the shame.

19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 Now Nkomis not nomadic,
Chip van make him lots of dosh,
Nkomis now wear suit and bowler,
Nkomis he have daily wash.

20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 Goes to Trafford Old on match days,
Gets a seat without a hitch,
Now he eats in football comfort,
The Man. United prawn sandwich.

21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 While Hiawatha works in van grease,
Nkomis watches football game,
It is the rich wot gets the pleasure,
Aint it all a crying shame?

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/hippies-and-crusties-and-football-and-ethics/