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I wanna be a Gaffer

Denys E. W. Jones

Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 When I was in my early teens,
My mother said to me:
“Have you thought where you’d like to be
When you are twenty-three?

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Have you thought where you’d like to be?
What job you’d like to do?
You’d better mull it over,
Or you’ll end up with no shoes.”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 And when she asked these questions,
I gave a shrug and sighed.
Allowed myself a pregnant pause,
And then at length replied:

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 “I wanna be a Gaffer,
Like Cloughie or Big Mal,
The Doc, Shanks, Billy Bingham,
Or any of their pals.”

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 But that’s not how things turned out.
I studied like a swot.
I went to University,
And my Degree I got.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 I met a nice Italian lass,
Said: “Will you marry me?”
Then found work as a teacher
Out in sunny Italee.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Now what’s this? Just the other day
I’m talking to my wife.
I says: “Love, I’ve been teaching here
For nigh on half my life.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 I think I need a Fresh Start,
A new, exciting job…
I wanna be a Gaffer
For a Top Flight Glamour Club.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 I wanna be a Gaffer,
Like Fergie or Big Sam.
Like José, Arsène, Rafa,
Or like that IKEA Man.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 I wanna be the chap in charge
At Arsenal, Liverpool.
Or at some foreign Outfit
In Madrid or Istanbul.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 I wanna chew on wads of gum,
Or smoke long, slim cigars.
I wanna drink Cristal Champagne
And drive a big, flash car.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 I wanna puncture egos,
Keep Stars sat on the Bench.
Be photographed in Night Clubs
With a leggy, buxom wench.

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 I wanna set trends with my coat,
My shades, my scarf, my hat.
I wanna find a horde of hacks
Encamped outside my flat.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 I wanna drop my aitches,
Say ‘done’ instead of ‘did’.
Or use the double negative
And other stuff like this.

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 I’m gonna jack my job in,
And fax off my CV
To Chelsea, Man U, Barça,
Milan, Saint Germain Paree.

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 I’ve quite a knack for languages,
Sound knowledge of the Game.
I’m sure I could lead any Team
To Glory and to Fame.

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 I wanna be a Gaffer,
Like ‘Arry, Moyesy, Sven.
I’m gonna be a Gaffer…
Or I’ll never work again!”

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 2/8/06
Denys E. W. Jones

© 2/8/06

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/i-wanna-be-a-gaffer/