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Post Graduate

HUGH MORRIS

Monday, July 31st, 2006

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Dougal McFrugal at age 18
was nobody’s fool
and said to his dear Mum and Dad
on the day that he left school..
“Noo ’tis time for me t’ take
th’ nex’ step in m’ life,
so t’morrow I’ll enrol
at University o’ Oxfife…”
His father counselled, “Dougal lad,
’tis nae somethin’ I’d advise,
seein’ from school ye were expelled,
is it really wise?”
“I’ve contacts there,” wee Doog replied,
“We call each other by first names,
an’ bein’ staunch Raith Rovers fans,
stan’ t’gether at hame games…”
Next day he saw th’ Registrar
saying, “Altho’ ye need compliance,
I simply cannae spend three years
doin’ degrees in Arts or Science..
instead I’ll write a thesis
aboo’ th’ Pride o’ Kirkca’dy,
expoundin’ m’ Theory
o’ Raithativity…”

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 He commenced his research project
very late one afternoon,
plotting some coordinates
by planets, stars and moon..
applied mathematic formula,
calculated and then found
the centre of the Universe
is Raith Rovers’ football ground…
“‘Tis extremely element’ry,”
young Dougal declared,
“Jus’ take R plus R plus 2FC
minus 5 times 6d squared..
which leads t’ m’ conclusion
that back in Year Dot,
all life had its beginnin’
from Starks Park centre spot..
when midst loud rumblin’ thunder,
a winged angelic choir
sang as they saw first sun arise,
‘Goodness gracious Raith balls o’ fire!’…”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Head Examiner Noel McKenall
gnashed his teeth and wailed,
“I support Hamilton Academicals,
so McFrugal lad, ye’ve failed..
however should ye demonstrate
dedication t’ this field,
th’ decision I have taken
may one day be repealed…”
Doog answered, “Och, I’ll nae give up,
but shall remain devoted
t’ Raith Rovers Foo’ball Club
an’ maybe ’twill be noted…”
He watched every game for sixty years,
’til wrinkled, stooped and grey,
then a letter from the Varsity
arrived one sunny day..
’twas stamped with an official seal
embossed in golden crest,
signed personally by the Chancellor,
yet its contents were the best..
through misted eyes aul’ Dougal read,
“We confer most High Degree,
appointing you Professor
of Raithroversology…”

© Llew Beaton 31 July 2006

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/post-graduate/