Football Poets

The Claret and Blue land

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 So here we are again
Ready and braced for
Another nine month marathon
Of Premier League hot air
And classic cameos
Local rivalries and
Household names,
Legendary spats,
Familiar friends
And foes, thrilling
Contests and battles
And then there was
The Land of Claret and Blue
In the heat of East London
Your genuine Hammers
West Ham go flamenco,
Paella for tea,
Matadors at half time
Julen Lopetegui
Spanish Harlem
At the London Stadium
No Inquisitions required
Just a delicious hors d’oeuvre
Of European Championship winning
Style of football,
Hopefully,
Followed by a rare to medium
Chateaubriand steak of
Quality
Gastronomic heaven
But today we learn
Of Colombians scheming
Behind the scenes
Surely no drug cartels
Amid the West Ham academy
Oh no simply not, never
The Hammers always do clean,
Pure and puritanical
Duran due in the East End
But, hold on,
Since when did Simon Le Bon
Have any allegiance to the
Iron clad Irons?
Wan Bissaka was about to
If not quite join West Ham
Then he was close, in the vicinity
Of the Happy Hammers
Approaching the front door
Then advanced negotiations
Became a stagnant pool of water
Just the daftest of rumours
The first transfer window shut
Firmly in claret and blue faces
Meaningless transactions
That may as well have been
Double Dutch, whatever that meant
Kyle Walker Peters,
Yet more hyphenated Hammers
A year since James Ward Prowse
Became a fully fleged JWP
KWP was just a whisper
At the back of the classroom
Dissolving and melting in
Transfer factory gossip
We do though, have three
A breathtaking Brazilian blend
Luis, barely out of
The school playground
Glorious Guilherme
And Wes Fotheringham
Another goalkeeper
Just in case Alphonse
And Fabian falter and
Lose their way
Some of us do like
The sound of Ivan Toney
From the buzzing Bees
Goal scoring oozing honey
Danes demanding ransom
Tomas Frank wants at least
A billion for Ivan
Certainly not the Terrible
Tomas, it’ll be a pleasure
To do business with you
So deals still in the pipeline
Nothing concrete in the jungle
Of football’s dangerous
Back waters
Just shifty, nudge nudge wink
Wink, know what I mean
And before you can say VAR
It’ll be back as inevitably
As Christmas, then the
August opener against fellow
Claret and blues
It could be a vintage year
For either

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