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The day the Bovril ran out

Jim Wright

Sunday, February 17th, 2008

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 It was a bitterly cold, freezing night,
with fingers and toes close to frostbite.
Fans quick step-hopping on terraces of ice,
all under the spell of the misted floodlights.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Blowing into cold hands with slightly warmer breath,
hurling abuse at the useless ref.
Nearly half-time and it’s still nil nil,
but at least there’ll be hot Bovril to keep out the chill.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The whistle blows and slow handclaps start,
usual moans about the team’s lack of heart.
Down to the tea-shed to join the queue,
to get some hot Bovril: that’ll do.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 “Sorry, the Bovril’s run out”.
“What, no Bovril!” came the shout.
A murmuring started in the queue behind,
“no Bovril, no Bovril” was passed down the line.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 The murmuring grew louder,
to groans of despair.
“There’s no bloody Bovril,
it ain’t right, it ain’t fair”.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 The tea-lady said, “there’s tea, coffee and cans of coke”.
“Sorry luv, are you having a joke?”
Somebody yelled: “let’s trash the shed”,
now come on lads – don’t lose your head.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 The news of no Bovril soon swept through the ground.
“Sack the board….., Sack the board…..”, the chant went around.
The chairman said, “Heads will roll for who is to blame,
for not having Bovril for the game?”

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 The fans protested on the pitch,
the Old Bill’s peace effort was very last-ditch.
The constable said, “there’s trouble growing,
for a crowd without Bovril is not worth knowing”.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Arrests were made,
as the scene turned nasty.
The tea-bar was trashed,
except for an odd pasty.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 The game was abandoned,
an investigation begun.
The tea-lady ended up in front of the beak,
for not getting more Bovril in the week.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 So this sad tale ended
With the tea-lady being jailed,
for her gross neglect of duty,
which she obviously failed.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 The ground was shut, the club went bankrupt.
The team were relegated and never got back up.
Now the club’s long gone and no longer turns out,
because of the day the Bovril ran out.

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 So let this be a lesson,
to any football catering van.
Don’t forget the Bovril,
or we will all end up in the can.

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Up the Fleet

© 17th February 2008

Notes

This poem is dedicated to Sparky, Jacko and Posh Pete who produce the MyFC weekly podcast available on iTunes by searching ‘myfootballclub’. They all have a serious Bovril fixation. For any one who doesn’t know what up before the beak means, it’s slang for appearing before a judge.

Up the Fleet

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-day-the-bovril-ran-out/