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The Perfect Throw In

Adam Horovitz

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The length of a throw in is a physicist’s dream.
They see aerodynamics like a child views ice cream

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 They love muscle arrangements and projection velocity
They make equations to express a player’s ferocity

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 but kinetics, kinetics it’s all in the throw
in the instinctive angle when the ball is let go

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 at the appropriate moment for optimum power
to set up a goal and, later, rejoice in the shower

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 You may well see footballers as overpaid mules
but you rest on your laurels if you take them for fools,

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 though it’s more by trial than equation that they achieve great results.
If they were calculating there’d be no press-driven cults

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 no world cup frenzy, no Rooney fixation
– they’d all march like robots in 4-4-2 formation.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Their contribution to science is greatly under-reported.
By measuring footballers’ egos, so vast and distorted

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 physicists have learned how the universe started.
In a previous existence, it seems a footballer darted

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 down through the galaxies to where a great throw
dropped a ball like a meteorite right at his toe

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 and this proto-Rooney kicked it into a black hole,
so the echo in the universe is a long shout of Goal!

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Also, Desmond Morris wrote The Human Zoo
after studying footballers and the strange things they do.

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Again the throw in is key to the way that they work
as they prowl and they feint and they dodge and they lurk

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 down at the goal mouth (in a way Freud would have adored;
look how they chest beat after they’ve scored).

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 All humans build up to a series of set pieces
The throw in is perfect for explaining this thesis

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 as it’s all about eye contact, gesture and cunning
whilst delaying things enough to stay in the running.

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 Just don’t bother studying them when they’re off the pitch
there’s nothing to learn from the lazily rich.

© AH06

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-perfect-throw-in/