Football Poets

THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER.( CNN’s big match )

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Hello, I’m Kenneth Wolvesathome here in Kuwait,
game about to start,
just a little late.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 These two teams last met in 91,
where as predicted the allies won,
and then promised to play an international,
away in Iraq,
but to the dismay of their Kurdish fans,
on their word they went back.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Sandy conditions,much like Leeds v Chelsea in 70,
but these puddles are full of oil,
hope a good game ,
they’re not going to spoil.
On paper the coalition have an attacking formation,
as they hope to push forward
and aquire domination.

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Game starts with Coalition United
surprizing us all,
they head straight for the Iraqi box
with the faithful high ball.
They were hoping to find the big lad Hussein,
napping at the back,
but precision it lacked.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 British imports playing a blinder,
containing Basra,
a tough midfield general
and minder,
of the right wing scally,
the very elusive Chemical Ali.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Coalition now attacking,
almost non-stop,
as high balls in the area,
they continue to drop.
Chopper Harris would have loved,
to be here today,
it would have reminded him of Dynamo Dresden away.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Every now and then the Iraqis counter attack,
HOW DARE THEY!
They’ve even resorted to playing the offside trap,
that’s not fair,
that is crap.
Excuse me ladies and gentlemen,
for getting carried away,
it’s just not fair the way they play.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Muhammad Scud fires a free kick from afar,
but ‘Big’ Larry Patriot touches it over the bar.
American players having problems with own goals,
a few acting gung-ho,
they think they are Stan Bowles.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 But not to worry folks, we’re totally in command,
causing them major trouble,
and remember viewers at home,
away goals they count double.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Iraqis up to dirty tricks,
they must have been watching Julian Dicks.
Pretending to surrender,
the last third of midfield,
and an apprentice on the goal line,
as a human shield.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Thirteen women and children,
have invaded the pitch.
THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER,
HOW DARE THEY —-pray on the sand,
do they think it’s their land?
The stewards have warned them,
and told them to halt,
but if they don’t understand English,
it isn’t our fault.
THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER,
unfortunately for them, —– it is now.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 We’ve been listening to experts,
with opinions profound,
and Brooking reckons the Yanks,
can’t play on the ground.
But they said the same about the Wombles,
who they accused of being mules,
until they went to Wembley
and made the Scousers look like fools.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Iraqi defenders now amassed round their box,
enticing the coalition, to try pick the locks.
Republican Guards warming up on the banks,
alot of internationals in their team ranks,
could spell trouble for the Yanks.
Game could drag on,
as coalition attack,
cos they’re not going to stop,
until coach Saddam is sacked.

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Screaming from the touchline now.
are coaches Blair and Bush,
urging their team forward,
for the final push.

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 The wing commanders send balls in,
and the defenders leave a hole,
and Joe Marine sneaks on by,
to score the winning GOAAAAAAALLL!!!

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 Fans are on the pitch,
THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER,
They’re ripping down goal posts and taking souvinirs,
like the Tartan army did for many years.
I’m Kenneth Wolvesathome at CNN,
goodnight you fans at home,
until we meet again.
And if everything goes to plan,
I’ll be covering Turkey, Kurdistan.”

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 As the fans in Baghdad burst into song,
THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER,
but they could be wrong.