1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The draw for the FAI Cup, Second Round,
Had just been made on television,
And down in the Leesiders’ Cork City ground,
They viewed the event with suspicion.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 For Cork had been handed a difficult draw,
Although they’d been first out the hat,
And there were conspiracy theories galore,
Though none of them started by Pat.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Those bastards who live up in Merrion Square,
Who seem to do nothing but talk,
Have fiddled the draw, for its obvious they’re
Incredibly biased ‘gainst Cork.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 And every time City should lose in a game,
It can always be traced to the ref.
For he’ll listen, when Dublin teams point out the blame,
But to Cork protestations, he’s deaf.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Just check out the stats, going back through the seasons,
Refs never give Cork a decision,
And that is just one of the myriad reasons
Why Cork fans treat refs with derision.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Never a penno, and never a free,
Never a dodgy offside,
In fact, there’s a rumour that one referee
Deflected a goalbound shot wide.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 For Cork are the greatest, all credit to Pat,
And should win at home or away.
The fact that they don’t, seems to indicate that
There’s mysterious forces at play.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Pats are obsessive and Rovers are scum,
Shels are both scum and obsessive,
Crowe isn’t worthy to wipe O’Flynn’s bum
And Hawkins and Hunt aren’t impressive.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 O’Flynn is a God and O’Callaghan too,
While Woodsy is gutsy and fiery,
But the playing field just isn’t level or true,
There should be a public enquiry.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Oh, down by the Leeside, they all worship Pat,
In fact, he’s the second Messiah,
But its becoming more patently obvious that
His opponents just plot and conspire.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 This Turnersgate scandal is bound to come out,
The entire despicable story,
How one soccer team, who were lacking in clout,
Were robbed of their fame and their glory.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Oh, well might Pat threaten, if Cork are defeated,
To go out and hire a lawyer,
For it’s perfectly clear that his team are being cheated,
Its definitely not paranoia.


Shelbourne had been drawn away to Cork City, whose manager, Pat Dolan, had been trying to instil in them a feeling of “all the world’s against us”. Quite unjustifiably of course!

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/conspiracy/