Dead Irish Grannie’s

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The appropriately named Stephen Ireland,
awoke from his hotel bed,
and was informed by coach Steve Staunton,
that his Grand- Mother was dead.
“ Your girl friend has just called us,
told us your granny passed away,
we’ll send you home on a private jet,
the F.A.I will pay.
Commiserations from me and the lads,
we’ll send over a wreath and card. ”
“Thank you boss,” said Ireland,
good luck to the lads in Prague.”

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 But back home in dear old Ireland,
a journo called O’Rourke,
tracked down Steve Ireland’s granny,
to a bingo hall in Cork.
She lapped up the press attention,
informed the world she was fit and well,
and said her Grand= Son Stephen Ireland,
for his sins would go to hell.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Now Stephen was under pressure,
and his next move he did decide,
was to tell all those who’d listen,
that it was his gran on his fathers side.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 “She went to England years ago,
but I want to show respect,”
he wrote to Stevie Staunton,
via a mobile text.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 But the Irish press,
now smelt a rat,
and they moved in for the kill,
and they found his paternal granny,
in a flat in Muswell Hill.
The press they dolled her up,
bought her a new attire to wear,
and took a picture of her,
in her favourite rocking chair.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Now Steve Ireland he was snookered,
by the press he was being harried,
so he finally came clean,
and said his girl friend had miscarried.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 She felt suicidal and alone,
needed Ireland by her side,
and it she who called Stan Staunton,
and said Steve’s maternal granny died
Some football folk want punishment,
as do media and fans,
but their justice won’t be half as bad,
as when Stephen meets his grans.



Guess who won’t be getting any Arran knitted cardigans for xmas

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/dead-irish-grannies/