Dear Mr A & Mr K… The Un-Special One Applies

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 dear mister a and mister k
excuse the lower case
allow me to present myself
until we’re face to face
when all around are turning down
the vacant job in hand
I offer my credentials here
and boldly make my stand

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 they call me ‘the un-special one’
I’m mister ord’nary
they call me lots of other things
I just love poetry
I’ve never managed anyone
except an Irish band
but I’ve looked after football poems
it’s over ten thousand

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 I’ve done a lot of other stuff
connected with the game
I’ve been a fan for fifty years
through thick and thin the same
I grew up really near the ground
when greavesie was the star
we never won a lot back then
but still I travelled far

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 I made it to the dizzy heights
of playing for my school
I think I kind of understand
that crazy off-side rule
I’ve never ever been a coach
but I can drive a car
and I believe I’ve got the vibe
to take this outfit far

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 I’m not your res’dent football poet
I live too far away
but if you made me manager
I’d get there come what may
I’ve been called “chelsea’s laureate”
in your club magazine
my words have graced your programme
and hit the silver screen

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 the media think I’m very weird
but passion is my name
the one thing that my words can bring
is poetry to the game
I’ve churned out football stories
I’ve made a grown cat cry
I’ve had them call me ‘mister fluff’
and never wondered why

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 I’m not ashamed to go by train
I’d even use a ball
you’d find me quite unusual
and slightly off the wall
I’ve poemed in the house of lords
I’ve rapped at the f.a
in porto’s schools I did my stuff
and loved it ev’ry day

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 in berlin in the summer last
I asked them ..”what’s the fuss –
about the world cup anyway?”
they called me ‘poems r’ us’
I’ve worn darth vader masks on-stage
from hull to glastonb’ry
I worked with hooligans in jail
and helped their words come free

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 so mister a and mister k
the cvs in the post
I’ll come and do a power point
on what inspires me most
it’s not just hosts of daffodils
nor sunlght on the pitch
it’s not just floodlit moon-lit nights –
it’s getting flipping rich!



OK Please don’t scream or send in offensive emails , but yes it is true .honestly.

Yesterday I was at Stamford Bridge with Albert Nyathi (Zimbabwe’s premier performance poet and on tour here now ) being shown around the ground by the Educaton Dept (nothing to do with the job I’m applying for, I hasten to add (phew!) We even took some great mock-pics of myself and Albert in the press room of myself and Albert at the desk ,speaking and acceptiiong the new post. I also want to make 100% clear that this poem is NOT my ACTUAL application. This is just a poem !

I have sent off a “proper appplication” letter +CV to Mr A and Mr K and have officially applied for the job of Chelsea manager – even though I am NOT the official club poet.. and even though I have absolutely NO experience whatsoever of football management at all and don’t even like using capitals ! I do however feel I can help people , footballers and fans express themselves both on and off the pitch , allegedly!

What I do bring to the football poetry and management table is :
a lot of experience of life and of writing lots of lots of poems. (Apparently?) More importantly , I (we) have managed over 10,600 poems here for the last 8 years ..All this , with the obvious help of co-editors Clik The Mouse and Peter Goulding, (not forgetting P.Maguire, Stu Butler, Dave Cockcroft,K.Raymond etc; ) who I would of course invite to join my techincal poetry-coaching staff ..SHOULD my appllcation prove successful and of course ONLY if the money was right?

There is also the added in-valuable background of my joy and loving travelling when i can afford it (er Champions League -hello?) not to mention being able to type . If further evidence of suitability were required, I’ve also done loads of live gigs and festivals, and I like big crowds . In short I’m a tree and fan-huggin’- football-lovin’-maverick- pacifiist- artist-,alternative-vegetarian-yoghurt-topped-performance individual into the environment , music and peace. I love culture but have little respect or affinity for the so-called ‘celebrity’ culture. Millionaire egos beware but to counter-act that I do have an enviable penchant for collecting rock and football badges, old early mobile phones, early star wars figures,back stage passes.,other assorted football memorabilla (get thee hence E-Bay) …

plus I also love drawing , gardening but am rubish at DIY . I’m totally into acting, comedy, the planet, libraries and especially Reading and
‘Riting but not ‘Rithmetic’ I’m sure Chelsea would have someone that could look after that, side of stuff, re money and things… but i would ask first just to be certain.

I also felt if Basil (Stuart Butler’s wily terrier) could apply for the job of Egland manager some year’s ago (check the archives sections) then why can’t I apply for the job at Chelsea.At least I’m not just a dog! (ouch). Sorry Bas – please don’t take that in an anti-canine way. I like dogs. but not when they jump all over you and sniff you.. and their parents /owners say “don’t worry he’s just friendly” yeah right..but..will I get a reply? Watch this space!PS will Basil apply ?.I don’t think so . His “life human partner”Stuart is a Swindon fan..Nuff said. Gauntlet thrown…?

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/dear-mr-a-mr-k-the-un-special-one-applies/