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England Ladies thrash Portugal

joe morris

Saturday, May 31st, 2025

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Oh girls you were magnificent
Steely femininity
Coursing through every
Muscle and limb
Never given the appreciation
You deserve
The England Lionesses
Roaring through savanna lands
And the dense jungles
Of football’s exotic swamps
Last night your neighbour
Hilariously admitted that the girls
Were rolling up their sleeves
We were stunned and shocked
Because we hadn’t done our homework
And extensive research
Assuming that the alpha male
The epitome of masculinity
Would be stitching their cats cradle
Of endless conveyor belts of passes
Attacking from all angles
But Harry Citizen Kane was still
Revelling in Bundesliga
Appointments with glory
At Bayern Munich
While the ladies, the girls
Were on royal variety duty
And by half time
The game was over
In fact after five minutes
Portuguese girls
Were staggering around
The Wembley arch
Crumpling to the ground
Crumbling under England’s
Merciless bombardment
An artillery of five goals
In a ludicrously one sided half
Oh what a Whitehall farce
This must have been like
All of their birthdays on
The same day
This was an act of
Barbaric cruelty
For the ladies of Portugal
What happened there?
But you were still scratching
Your heads in gobsmacked wonderment
It was a Friday night
And the men were still in the pub
After their weekly toils
Before joining the feasts
And intoxication of the weekend revelry
England with six of the best
Last night, the girls were expressing
Bewildering close ball control
Passing the ball and forming a latticework
Of intricate, first time passing
A divine revelation
The heavens were singing
Contralto
Sweet Caroline
St George’s flags
A red, white and blue woodland
Of girls with painted faces
Smiling exultantly to the
Poised and ready TV cameras
Girls, you really did show
Your male counterparts
How to do it
If only Thomas Tuchel’s
Worldly male warriors
Of England
Could even touch
The astonishing feats
Of last night
It could be an American
New York blockbuster
Broadway show for
England, next year
American apple pie
World Cup winning ways
And not before time
6O years in the waiting
Joining in with the Mexican
Mariachis, last night’s
Waves and then the Jules Rimet
Trophy, you never know
Mexico, it could be our time
Canada here we come
Turning over new maple leaves
But last night we were
In the graceful presence of
The Spice Girls
Peaking at precisely the right moment
Before hitting the Swiss Alps
In Euros fantasy lands
Ladies,
The male machismo
Defers to your knowledge
And judgment
We’ve been here before, girls
You’ll make winning trophies
Look so utterly effortless
Men, it’s a vast amount of
Respect to the ladies in
The house
Six goals at Wembley
We were spoilt something rotten
Go out there girls
You were sisters doing it
For themselves
And thoroughly deserve it
Time for boarding the plane
To Switzerland
And leaving your men folk
To reflect on yet more
Grand stages
Remembering their lines
Finally,
Next year, it has to be
Our turn to be World Champions
Hopefully.

Notes

England Ladies thrash Portugal 6-0 at Wembley.

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Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/england-ladies-thrash-portugal/