Gran, Gnash ’n all

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 “Hi Mam”, ”Hi Grandma!”
Yes, 3 generations in tow
As off to the hairdressers we go
Irritatingly, the funny one of the smalls starts to pester
So we provide a comic for the comic, before the mood starts to fester
“Yes, that dog belongs to Dennis the Menace, it’s name is Gnasher”
Then I’m up, in the emporium of Vidal Saloon, or is it Sasha?
And while the mane removal technician goes snip, snip, snip
The big race radio pundits, proffer tip, tip, tip
And then the commentary commences
Of this epic hurdle over the fences
No indicator early doors of who’ll make it to the finish
Then one by one, hopes start to diminish
Eventually we have a frontrunner, “going well is Missed Appointment”
And that was me – lapsed on the annual bookies anointment
“Also looking good is Chelsea Harbour”
“Ah, with my affiliation”, I tell the barber:
“That would have caught my eye for a place
If only I’d actually made it to the Turf Accountant for this race” 🙁
“And Sunderland have taken the lead”
Eh? Hang on a sec, is there a nag à la Keano clan I heed?
“And now the Magpies have gone in front”
Well if only I’d known, I might have taken a punt
“Looking swarthy and strong, Simon strings ‘em out”
The Aintree crowd warming now, start to shout
“Coming to the fore, is King Johns Castle”
Ah, must remember that one, when I want a rhyme for metatarsal
“And unbelievably Arsenal have drawn level”
Uh? So in which sport is it, I’m meant to revel?
At this stage I was getting mighty confused
And the sniptician sensed it, most amused
My money would have been on one of the favourite mounts
Though I’ve never won before, no cause to joyously bounce
I explained that if my selection were to triumph this hour
Though I swear not much, it might empower
Something startlingly biblical
“And romping home it’s Comply or …”
‘kin typical !



For all Mums everywhere
Mine always said I had a one track mind!

The catalyst for the poem?
5 Live kept interspersing race commentary with footy score updates!

(I’ve since realised that one of the horses mentioned above is actually called Mr Pointment – but no more than mesel’ – the owners were undoubtedly having fun with wordplay – and not having seen the list of runners, I was going by phonetics)

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/gran-gnash-n-all/