1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 The urinal sat upon a pedestal
But Lineker looked rather unconcerned,
As a tennis-ball pounced
Then bounced
Into the bowl and spiralled to rest.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Lawrenson yawned at the concession
Of the three points
And Lineker grinned at the decision
To use me as a substitute,
A poet of such ill repute:
I detected derision
In Lawrenson’s grinding tone
And Lineker’s sardonic groan
But I fastened onto the ball with eagerness
And precision,
Veered left and steered a low drive
Into the very corner of the urinal’s curved base,
The offensive skirting board,
Earning applause
For my one point hoard…

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 My arms were raised like Andy Gray’s
In his prolific Aston Villa days
And the yawning man,
Looked on amazed
And the grinning man,
With features lame
Stared at this non-league blogger,
Who had changed the course of their Urinal game…

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 PeteRay



I awoke at 03 50 hours on Wednesday, August 8th, fresh from the above dream.

I guess that the Olympic coverage on the BBC channels and my previous evening’s entertainment at Coalville Town, where Bedworth United had drawn 3-3, had triggered the images.

The stadium appeared to be a kind of white tiled shower-room, the goals were urinals at each end, which stood on pedestals, with curved skirting boards jutting a short way from the sides.

It seemed that when a tennis-ball was kicked into the urinal, three points were scored but a low strike on the skirting boards offered one point. Gary Lineker and Mark Lawrenson gave the impressions that they cared little!

I awaited my call to enter the fray and scored my point with a low, left-footed strike to the right of the offensive urinal. My arms were thrown into the air; against my headboard, actually and of course, I awoke. I stumbled downstairs to sketch what I had been dreaming about.

Maybe this three-a-side game will find its way into the Rio Olympics?
At least Team GB would be unlikely to go out on penalties…

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/urinalball/