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Draft letter from Bas (1st draft)

Stuart Butler

17th February 2006

To Whom It May Concern:
May I firstly introduce myself – I am Basil a six year old West Highland Terrier and official mascot of the Stroud Football Poets. ( see www.footballpoets.org) You may recall that you considered me for the post of England manager in the interregnum after the resignation of Mr. Keegan, but rejected me, presumably, on the basis of age.
I now feel that as a more mature dog, and British to boot, (or should it be paw? Woof! Woof!) I am much more worthy of consideration this time around. My ball skills and fitness are readily seen on my local Common as well as on the website mentioned above, whilst I have an almost instinctual ability to train sheep (and they are surely little different from your average footballer?). In addition, I watch football on the telly with a passionate avidity and leap out of my basket every time a goal is scored by whatever team. I need not draw your attention to the contrast this presents with the present incumbent.
Breeding, good taste and manners also prevent me from drawing any public attention to my spotless private life. I have been neutered, however, if you wish to know. This means, in consequence, that I am devoted to the toy dalmation that inhabits my back garden, and devoted to that inanimate dalmation alone. I now draw a veil over these matters of the heart but I am sure you see, once more, the contrast I represent with the current manager.
In addition, I have studied the two world wars in some detail, with especial reference to the trenches; Dunkirk; the Battle of Britain and the Blitz. I would find it easy, in consequence, to summon up an appropriate half time analogy to motivate the lads. In conclusion, I am sure that you will give this application the serious consideration it deserves. I enclose a SAE and eagerly await your reply – I would hope that I will not be rejected on the grounds of speciesism, however.
Yours faithfully

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Butler's Bench

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Source: http://footballpoets.org/news/2006/02/17/draft-letter-from-bas-1st-draft/