Football Poets

FOOTBALL RENOVATION.

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I’m doing up some Jimmy Holmes,
off Steve Heighway 21,
now I need some footballers,
to help me get it done.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 I need players with Paul Power,
and definitely Chris Armstrongs,
but I need no prima donna’s,
appearing in sarongs.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 I put an ad in the — ‘Help Wanted’
“No Chancers need apply.
Must be able to work in rain,
and no one — who’s work-shy.”

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 I hire West Ham’s Ray ‘shop’ Stewart,
to ensure it’s union labour,
and no noise before eight o’clock,
to keep in with the Jimmy Neighbour.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Any chance of a Richard Job -son,
an out of work player asks,
so I bring him to the work site,
and set him a few tasks.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 I put Stuart Slater on the roof,
to tar and fix the leaks,
and Richard Carpenter on the stairs,
to help to stop the creaks.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 We check out the old Nat Loft -house,
it is a steep old climb,
and we clean up all the rubbish,
the dust and Ashley Grimes.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Jim Steele’s put in and fireproofed,
so it never Kenny Burns,
and West Ham Irons are bolted on,
with many spanner turns.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 The masonary work is ancient,
it’s beginning to fall apart,
so I call up Aberdeen’s Paul Mason,
and tell him he’s got the start.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 At Orients Layer Road,
I inquire if they know a jointer,
and they put me on to Pompey,
where I sign up old Ray Pointer.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 The job turns out way bigger,
much bigger than I planned,
so I have to hire some more players,
to give me an Eoin Hand.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Norman Piper does the plumbing,
the electrical Sparky Hughes,
and I bring in Paul Brush of West Ham,
to sweep the chimney flues.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 We plaster all the inside walls ,
using Billy ‘uni’ Bonds,
and a couple of Mark ‘gold’ Fish
are placed in the garden pond.

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Carl Tiler tiles the bathroom,
and makes it look like new,
and we poison the Pat Roaches,
that were breeding in the loo.

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 The job is going nicely now,
at a fair old Gary Speed,
but one player is carried off,
cos safety he didn’t heed.

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 An occupational Mickey Hazard
unfortunate but true,
as work continues on,
for the football working crew.

¶ 17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 We renovate the Peter Kitchen,
so they can eat and Charlie Cooke,
and we build a little library
where the can Peter Reid a Tony Book.

¶ 18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 Terry Paines of Jimmy Glass,
are fitted to a tee,
by the man himself Bill Glazier,
who once played for Coventry.

¶ 19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 Stokes Ian Painter shows up,
and paints the walls — all Ally Brown,
but when the owner sees it,
his face becomes a frown.

¶ 20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 “More on the Norman Whiteside,
less of the Ally Brown,
plus I never liked West Bromich,
I’m so happy they went down.”

¶ 21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 So we paint another shade on,
this time much more Marky Bright,
and it looks very impressive,
it looks just Ian Wright.

¶ 22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 I get Spurs Anthony Gardner,
to remove the Perry Digweeds,
dig up the old turf,
and plant some brand new grass seeds.

¶ 23 Leave a comment on verse 23 0 Cos when the new turf grows,
minus ruts and holes,
the owners want to have,
a game of Stanley Bowles.

¶ 24 Leave a comment on verse 24 0 So the Jimmy Husband and his wife,
with their Brian Kidds in tow,
move into their fixed up house ,
the finest in the row.

¶ 25 Leave a comment on verse 25 0 So thank you all my football friends,
your presence will be missed,
but now the job is over,
you’re on the transfer list.