Losing it haiku Spain beaten: ditto France; Germany beaten too Hats eaten, pigs flew! Algeria 0 England 0 haiku Green drops a clanger Capello drops Robert Green The nation drops off

I don’t remember when I first picked up my pen Waiting for kick-off For a worthy show of acumen A ball and pitch, 22 men Form a bond among the denizen When something so unimportant Becomes the be all and end

We don’t need the lycra undergarments Gloves, hats or rainbow boots We need centrebacks who can defend With strikers programmed to shoot We want goals, especially winning goals With the odd bum-clenching world class save We want three more points upon the board We want the super subs to give us a wave We want […]

What will you find in your stocking? A little treasure or something shocking pink, glittery and wearing antlers Or worse, a box of chocolate Santas Will you receive the perfect gift? Or will you wonder what it is? the season to be jolly For those not allergic to plastic holly Who this year did you […]

This time it’s different Norwich City are the ‘giants’ We only need to win the game It’s hardly rocket science The underdogs are all called Rover Paulton Rovers to be precise They play in purple and for a poet That fact ain’t too nice Nothing rhymes with purple They’re causing us problems already Paulton Rovers […]