Football Poets

Some say the players are to blame.
Some claim the Gaffer was at fault.
The scapegoat-hunt is underway,
Sparked off by this most cruel result.

I think we should admit the Truth,
However much it dents our […]

Where’er the Toffeemen have played,
We’ve followed in their trail –
Exulted when they’ve triumphed,
And wept tears when they’ve failed.

We’ve shadowed them the length and breadth
Of this green, pleasant La […]

I went into a Job Centre
In search of gainful work.
I wore a nice, sharp pinstriped suit,
Black tie and clean, white shirt.

They bade me sit down at a desk,
Fill in a form or two.
Then asked me loads of […]

“Well, you ask why I love you,
Love you like I do.
You don’t seem none too certain
That I’ll always be true.
So let me say it clearly,
Let me spell out the facts:
I love you for your fat contract,
Your netwo […]

We last met in September,
When trees were not yet bare.
Three times we made their Keeper stoop,
(And Johnson bagged a pair!)

The Reds were none too happy,
You should’ve seen ‘em glare.
Well, now they’re thirs […]

For once I knocked off early,
And went out for a stroll,
With fifteen euros in my pocket
Burning a great hole.

One crumpled note, five tarnished coins,
Just itching to be spent,
Were all that I had over
After […]

Oh come, all ye Faithful, hopeful and expectant,
Oh come ye, oh come ye, to Goo-oodison.
Come and support them, roar them on to Victory.
Roll up and get behind them.
Roll up and get behind them.
Roll up and […]

I saw a crafty Striker
Do a blatant dive,
In a crowded goalmouth,
At twenty-five to five.

Half-blind Referee
Pointed to the Spot.
All the protests that he heard
Mattered not a jot.

Broadly grinned the […]

Mother, get up, unlock the door,
Look, through the window-pane
I see a young fan with scarf in his hand
Outside in the pouring rain.

His clothes are all drenched, his hair is unkempt,
His shirt is with lager […]

“Is the cat black or is the cat white?”
“‘Fraid I couldn’t tell you, but I’ve heard it catches mice.”

“Is the Striker white, or is the Striker black?”
“I’m not quite sure, but all the same, the ball’s in the Net […]

When I was just a snot-nosed brat,
My Fav’rite Team got thrashed.
And nothing could console me,
Not hugs, or sweets or cash.

At length my mother called me,
And sat me on her knee.
Now here’s the words of wis […]

We’re David Moyes’s Blue and White Army,
Well-known throughout the Land.
Our Faith is solid as a rock,
Not built on shifting sands.

We’re neck-steeped in Tradition.
We’re famed around the world. […]

The Taxman’s taken all my bread,
He’s stripped me, I’ve got nothing left,
All I’ve got’s this no-hope football team.
So here I am sat in the Stand,
I stamp my feet and clap my hands,
Cheering on this no-hope f […]

The Reds are down the pub with Rafa,
Crying in their beer.
They’ve gone to drown their sorrows,
But they just can’t stem the tears.

The Blues are down the pub with Moyesy,
Knocking back the booze.
Th […]

Nobody told us about him,
About his forked tongue.
And no-one warned that before long,
He would be up and gone.
But it’s too late for weeping buckets,
Chewing carpets, tearing out hair.
Though we’ve sea […]

My Boss sent me an e-mail,
I haven’t answered yet.
I’m sure it was important,
As important as they get.

My Boss will not be happy,
He’ll foam, and fume, and glower.
But I’ve a ticket for the match
T […]

When I was in my early teens,
My mother said to me:
“Have you thought where you’d like to be
When you are twenty-three?

Have you thought where you’d like to be?
What job you’d like to do?
You’d better mu […]

There’s four stars on their Shirt now.
There’s four stars on their chest.
They’ve brought the Trophy back to Rome,
They’ve proved they are the best.

They saw off Ghana and the Czechs,
They drew against […]

“My Old Man’s a City Gent,
He wears a bowler hat.
He took me to the Stadium
To watch a Top Flight match.

The Exec Box was plush and posh,
The caviar first class.
The sandwiches replete with prawns,
The acc […]

Datemi un fazzoletto per asciugare le mie lacrime.
Datemi un impiastro per sanare la mia ferita.
Datemi un calmante per lenire il mio dolore.
Ditemi che in fondo è soltanto un gioco.
Ditemi che esistono […]