Dear subjects, one would like to express one’s feelings of great thankfulness to Brian Ruiz and the Costa Ricans for giving it some welly. For though one’s beloved football team has exited the World Cup dream, at least one doesn’t have to snog the gauche Mr. Balotelli.

A fantasist, I’m sure, could not conceive it – he’d be condemned for going overboard. The game was slipping; England’s spirits soared. Magic spell required, but who would weave it? The pressure built; they fought hard to relieve it, to see their flimsy one goal lead restored. But there was just one man who could […]

Oh gods on Olympus, awake from your slumbers, your people are toothless, they pose little threat. Great Zeus, please empower just one of your numbers to put the damn ball in the back of the net. The World Cups are hard for the poor Greeks to follow – defences are mighty, attack is ill-met. So, […]

We love to see Los Cafeteros nick one to see what celebration they’ll come up with. The choreography is always slick. One just loves to see Los Cafeteros nick one. They’re all so good, it’s very hard to pick one (a shame they won’t need one to lift the Cup with!) But till they’re gone, […]

Oh let us not remember them this way, made mortals of by Chilean young guns; sloppy, misplaced passes, mis-timed runs, a team that suddenly has had its day. All things must come to pass; and so this team that ‘cross the football firmament once strode, with one-touch passing, seamless as it flowed, said sad farewell […]