• The great leveller
    It’s the sport of kings and paupers, Universally embraced By participants and gawpers Of the finest sporting taste. Vapid viscounts and their minions From West Cape to Wythenshawe Voice their voluble opinions On the game that we adore. You don’t need an education Or a Roller in the mews To engage in conversation ‘Bout the […]
  • Foul!!
    The atmosphere stank, The odour was rank, The stadium air became smelly. The crowd got a whiff And remarked, “Lordy, if We had only watched this on the telly!” And somebody grinned, “’Twasn’t me who broke wind! Perhaps it’s the sewers that reek?” Till the PA explained In a voice small and pained That the […]
  • Robert The Bruce
    Through the south gate of the city, The Bruce rides into town, The bright and keane-eyed jewell, Hughes head invites the crown. “Oh, kneel!” a coppell of bishops cry, As he rides the last few moyles, We grant to you the kingship And the wealth of North Sea oils.”
  • Stoppage time
    He likes the Roman numerals, He likes the coloured dial, And Mickey Mouse’s minute hand Will always draw a smile. Fifteen minutes stoppage time? Has he been on the Scotch? Oh no, it’s just the refereee Likes looking at his watch.
  • Upon the Isles of Scilly
    Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhh, Upon the Isles of Scilly, There’s but two football teams. The contour might look hilly, But it’s flatter than it seems. The season’s barely kicked off when, Before you know, it’s up. One team are the league specialists, The other wins the cup.