Football Poets

If the moon can pull the waters
Cross the surface of the earth,
If the moon can break the waters
Of women before birth,
Then surely it can alter
The path of storm and rain,
And affect the football scores
With no […]

Es ist ein drolliges spiel,
One moment you feel
Au-dessus de la lune,
Singing a victorious tune,
Mais, c’est un drole de jeu, comrades,
Un jeugo de mos mitades,
Briefly happy, but then comes sorrow,
Truly, e […]

Today in class, History, period 3,
I gave the Kurdish refugees
2 Man. United English work books,
And they were thrilled when they looked
And lovingly copied the first words
Into their brand new History exercise […]

Don’t call me a Jobsworth
Just because I shop at Woolworths
For a winter cardigan,
I’ve a good eye for a bardigain,
I enjoy the sweet seduction
Of a price reduction
For a winter woolie
In the shop that folk cal […]

LEBANON 3 KAZAKHSTAN 0 (1998 ASIAN GAMES)
The other day when I got on the bus,
Tired out after all the fuss
Of another exhausting day at school,
I politely told the driver the golden rule,
The price rather than […]

A hundred years ago, or so,
When Britannia ruled the waves,
And the sun never set on the descendants
Of its slaves,
England gave the game of football to the world,
But now as the Union Flag is unfurled,
This is no […]

I know some people might have said my dad was anthropocentric,
But he always said “If you’re going to get up, then get up early, son,
So you can breathe the air, before it’s been breathed on”,
And that’s weekend a […]

Six years old and I’m in love with the American Dream,
Disney, popcorn, Bugs Bunny jokes and strawberry ice cream,
Bug eyed, chewing Hershey bars, watching movies at the base,
Baseball with the crew cut kid with t […]

The ball is a sphere,
Because if it was oblong,
It would hurt your ear.

I’d forgotten we were playing away tonight,
You get thrown by Friday night games, don’t you?
And what with work and food and drink and books,
I’d forgotten all about it, until I was shaken and stirred
By who knows […]

There was no shirt of Beckham,
And no Zinedine Zidane,
And no quaint named shirt of Totti,
Who’s apparently a man.

The view from the pub window was interesting –
A traditional Mrs. Miniver Cotswold village film set,
Upstaged by a technicolour turncoat house at the end of the lane,
All four walls completely covered with new […]

When The steel doors slammed
And the gas started its mazy waltz
Through the crowd packed chamber,
He tried to climb on top of his comrades,
Searching for the drops of oxygen
To keep his strong lungs pumping,
Just […]

First they came for our goalkeeper,
He was a Communist,
But I wasn’t,
So I said nothing.
Then they took our wing backs,
They were Socialists,
But I wasn’t,
So I said nothing.
Then both our centre backs dis […]

I knew of Mick and I knew of Nick
But I didn’t know of your existence,
Until early one morning on the number 46,
When I was reading a Swindon Town programme,
Back in 1992,
And you told me that Nicky was your n […]

I’ve only just heard of you, Stanley,
Or rather, Horace Albert, I presume.
Yes, Stanley, christened Horace Albert,
But changing his name for reasons unknown;
Stanley Butler, my dad’s dead cousin,
Who played w […]

First of all, they feed you with unnatural chemicals,
So that you experience a massive precocious growth,
And then when you are too big for your roots
You get put in the shop window,
And sold off in the market […]

Come Back Dad
And hide “British History For Boys”
Underneath my pillow while I’m asleep,
As a surprise coming home present.
Come Back Dad
And bring home Mars Bars and eucalyptus sweets
On Thursday pay night […]

Dearest Bank Manager,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing the cheque which I had assumed would pay Father Christmas for his many services recently rendered to my family. By my calculations, some three […]

On the day they buried Tommy Lawton
I was on a bus opposite Painswick Church,
On a cold and dull November morning,
And as I stared out of the window,
The sun rose up from behind the hills
And lightened the leaden […]