Leave a comment on verse 1 0
I hope you have patience and pray you’ll indulge
This fan with a secret he wants to divulge.
I daresay you’ve seen in the news and the papers
The greedy young Spaniard’s cheap footballing capers.
He’s selling this ball, which he brazenly claims
Is the one that shot England’s great hopes down in flames.
He says that he jumped up and caught Beckham’s miss,
And he’s looking for nearly ten million for this.
Leave a comment on verse 2 0
Oh beware, all of you with more money than sense
Who are easily swindled of shillings and pence!
How can you be sure that this voluble youth
Is stating the whole inescapable truth?
His statements, no doubt, are intended to foster
The view that he’s not just a scheming impostor,
And he firmly avows that the ball that he’s flogging
Is the same one that sent all the Portuguese snogging.
Leave a comment on verse 3 0
However, alas, there’s not one tiny particle
Of evidence he owns the genuine article.
And I know for a fact that his world-famous ball
Is not the one Beckham sent soaring at all.
He missed it, you see, on its heavenward flight,
(You’ll notice he’s obviously lacking in height).
He sprang like a deer but he never got close,
And his claims that he caught it are wicked and gross.
Leave a comment on verse 4 0
But, ten rows behind, and quite eager to cash in,
I pulled off a save like my hero, Lev Yashin.
With the leap of a salmon, I brilliantly fetched
The ball from its flight path with fingers outstretched.
The result of my very athletic contortions
Was my “beer-belly” grew to alarming proportions.
And the Portuguese cops, as I made my way out,
Assumed I was simply a beer-swilling lout.