Football Poets

FA Cup Final 2003 – a personal view

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 There was a time,
When I was just a spectator
A real hard-core, blinkered, no-nonsense,
Concentrated, non-distractable footy fan
A slouch
On the couch
Beer filling belly
As I kept up with tradition
In front of the telly

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 But this year (and for the last five)
The family came first
And the only thirst
That I got to slake
Belonged to four wee mites;
Two, that run and run
One, that bites
And the new arrival
So completely dependant on us,
For her own survival

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 And so I can only snatch
Snippets of the game
As well as sharp objects, lost money, discarded lego
Anything that could choke
… a bit like Southampton’s disappointing Wayne Bridge
Thus, instead of ardent, dedicated, mesmerised fan
I played the role, of besotted dad
And as for formation,
Well, I was all over the place :

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 And so it is, with one eye on the match
I try to catch
And control
The little blighters
Try to perform husbandry duties
Coo over my wife and daughter (the little beauties)
… Fully anticipating, Saints to the slaughter

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 And so I slotted,
Into my allotted roles
Nappy changer, tea-maker, telephone message taker
List maker, peace-maker, gardener
Welly washer, shoe fixer, lace tie-er
… Arsenal off to a flyer, Henry almost scores in the first minute
… Later, Pires does, and Arsenal win it
Cleaner, gofer, general dogsbody
… Poor game, passing’s shoddy

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Chef, clown, spoon feeder, bribe merchant (whatever it took)
Shed rummager, bike shifter, knee graze kisser better
… an FA Cup first – roof closed, to prevent pitch from getting wetter

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Nappy changer, tidy up leader, hoover man, apologist
(How was I to know that his Subbuteo team were camping out under the couch?)

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Nappy changer (yes again), medicine man, dispensing for a chesty cough
… Poor old Anti Niemi, stretchered off

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Proud father,
Baby less than two weeks old
… Arsenal defence, not the same without Adams and Bould
She’s beautiful
Such a sweetie
… Yet still they manage to blank out Beattie

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Nappy changer (you’ve no idea!), babysitter
… Arsenal looking fitter

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Easel assembler, paint pot supplier
Brush dispenser, envelope licker
Postman, searching for a stamp
… Nice touch from Bergkamp

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Disorganised, muddled, even though much practised and well prepared
… Great performance (only a week since his début), from young Chris Baird

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Doorman, weatherman, coat finder, hide and seeker
… Seaman’s last game, as first choice keeper

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 Wrestling referee
Toppled, into inadvertent partaker
A playful horse
To a juvenile jockey
… Arsenal getting cocky

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 Oh, and lastly, a wannabe poet
… One – nil to the Arsenal, wouldn’t you just know it!

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