Football Poets

FA Cup replays no more

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Oh how we’ll miss
The continuous sequence
Of FA Cup replay after replay
More and more carbon footprints
The same old song
Played over and over again
No resolution, no clarity
Indecision until the
Calendar year just
Can’t take anymore
The wearisome themes
Of draw after draw
Oh spare us the necessity
Repeat after me over and over
Again, no more replays
But how we’ll miss them
That failure to accommodate
Those who just can’t seem
To make up their mind
Remember Arsenal and Sheffield Wednesday
In years gone by
That seemed to take several Christmases
To finally sort the men from the boys
Some of us were snoring over our
Horlicks hot toddy
Just to keep the matches
That held up our eyelids
How many times did the Owls
Look out for the Gunners
And just despaired of football?
Full stop, but hark
A decisive result did restore
Our faith in the FA
But why on earth have we
Abolished that second game
In the FA Cup?
Scrapped its charm offensive
That made our hearts swoon
When the non Leaguers
Couldn’t quite manage to
Upset the odds
First time around
To shake up
Those condescending souls
Who believe the
FA Cup minnows
Have no right to be
In the last eight
Of the FA Cup
Since the wealthy industrialists
Of the Premier League
Have ploughed lorry loads of money
Into vanity projects
Where the Manchesters of United
And City assess their value
In stock markets and the Financial Times
Pity now the non League fantasists
Who will never know
The sweet smell of TV millions
In their modest bank accounts
No second sequels, no opportunities
To finish off the job
On their lovely
Postage stamp ground
Next to back to back
Terraced houses
Or flats and floodlights
No larger than a burger van
It’s one match only
In the FA Cup next year
And that’s that
The air of finality
Line under the sand
Win it first time around
Or the alternative may be
Eternally grim
Like Sinatra coming out
Of retirement
Seemingly inevitably
Not once, but twice
Even three, four or five times
And yet Ol’ Blue Eyes
What did he know about
The FA Cup third round?
Dulcet, velvety and
Honeyed voice
Of course
But Sinatra did things his way
Indisputably
Non League idealists though
Can no longer rely
On just one more
Roll of the dice
It’ll no longer be
The case
To prove to the world
That they can do
It one more time
So infuriating but true

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