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Faking It – Football Manager

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 He’s fakin’ it
But he just ain’t makin’ it
There’s no escapin’ it
He just ain’t shapin’ it

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 You can see from da frowns
Of da real deal, Wally Downes
Dat dis ain’t just a lark
@ Brentford’s Griffin Park

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Is Max, givin’ it his max?
Soccer savvy is what he lacks
Chess might be his game
But footy ain’t nearly de same

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 De boyz from da Beez
Brought him him down to his knees
Repeatedly on tour
Tried to inject life into da ‘bore’

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Dey had to teach him how to swear
Do things he wouldn’t dare
Dress him up like da boss
When to holler ‘stop the cross’

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Drafted into da Wasps of Chalfont
He had to be more forceful with his ‘I want!’
To put some more oomph into his drills
To take a leaf out of Brazil’s

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 So many sweaty blokes
Playin’ practical jokes
N’even a night of karaoke
Only got him all cranky and croaky

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 And so up before da panel
He’s givin’ it too much flannel
His mouth is running loose
He’s cooking his own goose

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 He don’t cut da mustard
He’s gettin’ too flustered
He just ain’t got da voice
He’ll be an obvious choice

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 He has to fool JB aka Digger
Da Imposta? It ain’t hard to figure
Da hole he’s diggin, is just gettin’ bigger
Especially wid all dat body rigour

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 And so he’s easily sussed
Da deception is bust
3-0 da score
Like a punch to da jaw

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 But even tho’ he failed on his mission
His adopted team won da competition
Such wonderful irony, a real paradox
A happy ending, for dis show on da box

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 Yo Maxi baby – I ain’t no pal a you
But for sheer entertainment val-ue …..
Thanx a million

11

Notes

Maximillion Devereux, professional Chess player
had one month to convince a panel of football judges –
including John Barnes, Dermot Gallagher & Victoria Derbyshire (BBC Radio Five Live presenter) –
that he was a real football manager – he didn’t, they all sussed him –
but congrats to Max, his team (Chalfont Wasps) still won the tournament!
And was that a tear in hard man Wally Downes’ eye?

Shown on Channel 4 on Tuesday 2nd March 2004

And by the way, C4 must ‘av bin avin’ a larf – the Bees & the Wasps!!??!!

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/faking-it-football-manager/