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GLASTIDERATA – not for the footie hearted

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 GLASTIDERATA

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 go quietly like Wolves fans amid the noise and remember what peace and chilled-ness there will be when you get back to your tent…………..
……if it’s still there

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 do not steal a traffic cone on the way to the festival…
unless you want ev’ryone on the planet to know you’re a student

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 if it’s you’re first time in a while try not suggesting you meet up in front of the main stage along with sixty thousand other people who have made the same arrangements

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 always strive to imply a barely-interested-vibe when anyone mentions Euro 2004 and act un-stressed about whether they’ll show any of the games on the big screen or not.. (but pray aloud up at the Sacred Stones that they do)

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 project always your ecologically-grounded-ness ,and endeavour at all times to behave in a radical but alternative manner..even in Babylon market..should you be sadly lured there for sports pages of hard to find scores in strangely scarce daily papers etc;

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 therefore – wherever possible – feign disinterest in news from the outside world.. but be sure to have a totally cool and plausible excuse ready when you are caught looking furtively over someone’s shoulders at the football section of the Guardian they’ve somehow smuggled in eg; ” i couldn’t help noticing in your paper.. doesn’t Zidane look like Stipey in REM …and Rooney like the singer in Radiohead? ”

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 laugh not at other people who are totally out of it for remember dear friend there will always be other people more or less out of it than you

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 do not judge by colour, creed , size of VIP laminate pass, or whatever band or for football shirt certain people are adorned in.. for we have all followed dodgy bands and teams in the past…

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 nor should you feel inferior because you are the only person not on Orange this year..

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 tread gently among the throng and try to avoid getting stuck next to people on mobiles who are endlessly shouting “Giles – where are you?”or “how are Czechoslovakia getting on?”

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 be aware if lost – whatever other sights may besail you – by remembering your own tent is a a definite green and brownish colour

13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 spendeth not too much time around people who are totally cool and try to recall when you thought you were cool for leaving trolleys in un-designated areas at Tesco

14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 always be centred – stay focused – and only talk of break-beats,deep-house,garage,trance,hip hop, low-down grooves and R & B (but not sixties R&B!) ,whenever you bump into people.. be they friends or strangers

15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 above all preach equality.. for you are a mere punter in the festival of life.. be you upper-class twit and piss-artist or still sadly categorised working class litter-picker

16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 you have the right… and the right trainers to be here..however politically in-correct your hair-style..

17 Leave a comment on verse 17 0 no less than Sir Paul McFarty, the wondrous Toilet Crew and even people who collect Ikea’s entire catalogue purely for research or a hobby..allegedly

18 Leave a comment on verse 18 0 more than anything else my children…whether you shelled out a hundred ‘squid’,bunk in (!) or blag it…or even if you have all your stuff nicked and your partner naffs off with some toss-pot in a range rover ….let go…

19 Leave a comment on verse 19 0 be not phased..stay chilled..look cool

20 Leave a comment on verse 20 0 free this body mind and soul of attachments (except for your solar hair-drier and mini-tv of course ..purely for keeping up with Wimbledon,Big Brother and gor bless Richard and Judy..of course )

21 Leave a comment on verse 21 0 and friends ….even if you should end up joining in when The Cure do Love Song ..while all your mates are watching Groove Armada or largeing it big-style in the Dance Tent….keep it to yourself..this is your life…not Micheal Aspel’s life or even Micheal Eavis’ life…..( apparently)

22 Leave a comment on verse 22 0 and above all my child never let on in public about sloping off to watch Suzanne Vega and.. crying when she does that one that goes………. Doop-Doop- Doo-Doo, Doop-Doop-Doo-Doo
Doop-Doop-Doo-Doo..Doop-Doo-Doo-Doo.etc…

Why Glastiderata…well i guess you need to keep it low key..your football love that is…

more recently.. regular score-text-up-dates have done much to improve the quality of football life in alien and muso surroundings ).so i wrote this for anyone going to Glastonbury….. ..hope it helps..it’s an option as Eddie Izzard would say (as usual….)

Sadly though …since the day Micheal Eavis (Gor bless him ,..and Gor Bless Robin Hood too) swore emphatically no live footie would EVER go up on a the main stage big screen nor interrupt the precious music….Glasters has always been a hard one for the die-hard – and noticably un-cool -footie fan..and….ever since i watched Ireland go out one World Cup in a rather smokey tent …(that come to think of it …definitely had some rather strong incense in it .. i think?) it’s been a big No-No ….

also alas since those heady and far-off eighties day when twenty thousand people punched and headed a giant football around the hill waving union jacks……while Suggsy of Madness could barely contain himself as news filtered on-stage of THAT hand of God Maradonna goal going in ..

rumours of imminent World Cup and Euro England games about to be suddenly shown live on the big screen on the Pyramid Stage were as common as those of the Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead flying in as un-announced special guests … …

one year …having just finished a lengthy poetry set to a huge audience of some 30 people in the Bedouined Poetry Tent ….and having downed a euphoric post-gig health drink with Madonna backstage (hi Madge!) and… having also just re-directed Prince and David Bowie back to the VIP enclosure (as you do) thanks for dropping by to watch the set guys by the way )…I remember… suddenly seeing all these macho looking Ireland fans draped in flags ..camping expectantly in front of the main stage screen about 30 minutes before the game…then….. as a bemused, and then unheard of Beth Orton ( well i think it was her come to think of it it might have been billy Bragg?) bathed us in her (or his)plaintively beautiful (or jarringly right-on) acoustic songs… we were then treated to endless close ups of her (or his!) face …..sudden mass exodus of blokes!….anyway – to make a short story long..and not one to drag a point on (!) some time later ..and deep into the game no doubt … I passed a swamped Greek vege-burger bloke with a crap,. black and white,.poor receptionm, portable tv… inundated with half the meat-eating (but suddenly converted ) population of Dublin!

Halcyon Daze!

On a real CTM agent note :this year (i’m not just a humble but high profile celebrity football poet…but a music agent too remember (www.ctmuk.com)try and catch Jelitara Futa & Laye Sow(Senegal) who i have over here touring..(Avalon Stage 8pm Friday.)..
i’ve got the wonderful Hazel O’Connor on the Avalon Sathge 6.30pm Saturday night..
and i hope to introduce her on-stage..so seeya there…..
try to also check out the Red Sparrows Terra Firma Disply Troupe on every night at dusk about 10.15pm in the Theatre Field..my son Mat and his gorgeous wife Debra are in it..running round with flares on their heads dressed up as sparrows.. it’s true!…what have i done..’onest guv….i tried to bring me son up proper!
Hey…be cool…Meet you up at the Avalon Stage.or Groovy Movie..i’ve got a black t-shirt on..text me..luv ya…one world – one game.. bye.Crispin

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/glastiderata-not-for-the-footie-hearted/