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More Food for Thought.

HUGH MORRIS

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 At the dinner table
Dougal could nae get his breath,
He gargled, gagged and gurgled
Like he would choke t’ death…
His father thumped him on the back,
While his mother wept and wailed,
Then Dougal slumped on to his fork
And had his chin impaled…

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 His mother phoned the doctor
Livin’ in the house nex’ door,
The GP came a-runnin’
And found Dougal on the floor…
“Och m’ poor wee laddie,”
Was Dougal’s Da’s lament,
“Y’re goin’ t’ meet y’r Maker,
It’s time that y’ repent…”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 The doctor rummaged in his bag,
Pulled out a long nose plier,
For the ‘mergency procedure
His patient would require…
He plunged the plier down Dougal’s throat
(And I’m not talkin’ tripe)
Yanked out a piece o’ haggis
Obstructin’ Doog’s windpipe…

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 I bumped into Dougal the nex’ day
And he looked right as rain,
Said t’ me, “There’s one thing
I’ll niver do again…
Y’ know I love m’ foo’ball,
It means th’ world t’ me,
But it’s bann’d from dinner table,
That’s m’ new philosophy…”

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 So folks, when talkin’ foo’ball,
From Gretna Green t’ John o’ Groats,
Take precautions t’ prevent
Food stickin’ in y’r throats…
Remember Doog’s misfortune
And apply this simple rule,
Don’t say “Hamilton Academicals”
When y’r mouth is full…

© Llew Beaton 21 December 2003.

Notes

Following requests from my female fans (wife, daughter, mother and sister) I have expanded on the original “Food for Thought”. May this poem also serve as a friendly warning to all Scottish football fans, especially those from Hamilton.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/more-food-for-thought/