1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Last seen leaving ‘The Hawthorns’
some considerable time following
the 2-0 defeat of Crystal Palace
which, apparently, secured promotion
back to the top flight after seventeen years
of purgatory.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Last seen dressed in blue and white shirt,
blue and white scarf, face painted
blue and white, blue and white jester’s hat
and bermuda shorts.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Approach with caution as, whilst not dangerous,
is likely to be in a dazed state. Speak
slowly as almost certainly confused. Avoid words
which may cause excitement; for example –
promotion, goal, Taylor, Megson, Premier, won, etc.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Answers to the name of Mick, Big Mick,
Mickey Blue Eyes, Lard, Belly,
and, inexplicably, Colin.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 If spotted, please contact your local police station.
(Though his wife insists there’s no immediate rush –
the peace and quiet since has been lovely;
though the lawn could do with a trim).

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/police-description-of-a-missing-albion-fan/