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Stan’s Annus Horribilis 2003-4

Mike Cracknell

Monday, March 15th, 2004

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Burnley FC have a manager
who is plainly no fancy dan.
He is more of a typical Dingle,
A mate of Neil Warnock named Stan.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 For reasons only they comprehend
the members of the Dingle clan
think Ternent knows what he’s doing
and they call him Stan the man.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Now just consider the evidence,
as a fair minded football fan,
and form your own opinion of
that gravel voiced grump called Stan.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Would you pay a million for Ian Moore,
who has proved himself an also ran?
Craig Brown can’t waste money like that,
but however Stan the man can.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Which manager can recall sending
his play-off hopes down the pan
by paying a fortune to Gazza?
You’re dead right, Stan the man can.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Can you know what it was like,
just after the season began,
to have lost the first four matches?
If you can’t Stan the man can.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Who can be such a hopeless coach
as to devise a defensive plan
that concedes seven goals twice in a month?
You’ve guessed it, Stan the man can.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Which first division manager can say
that he could do no better than
let in six and seven to the bottom two clubs?
Believe me, Stan the man can.

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Which manager can always manage
to keep his trophy room spick and span
because it is permanently empty?
Our whingeing pal Stan the man can.

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Forget all about the Premiership.
Don’t dream of Madrid or Milan.
The only way for Burnley is down
while they’re managed by Stan the man.

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Ask Alistair Campbell whose fault it is.
He’ll blame Al Quaeda or the Taliban,
or the collapse of ITV Digital.
Yes, any one but Stan the man.

12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 But with claret blood in his varicose veins
Stan’s an out and out Burnley man.
Add his genius for self delusion and
it’s no wonder the Dingles love Stan.

Notes

This poem is mostly concerned with Burnley’s disasters in the 2002-3 season but Stan’s claret tinted glasses are still firmly in place as evidenced by post match quotes from this season.

December 2003 Preston 5 Burnley 3
Shots on target Preston10 Burnley 9
Shots off target Preston 6 Burnley 5

Stan’s comment: “We were the better side by a mile in my view”

March 2004 Burnley 1 Preston 1
Shots on target Burnley 2 Preston 3
Shots off target Burnley 0 Preston 3

Stan’s comment: ” We battered ’em 1-1″

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/stans-annus-horribilis-2003-4/