The Celeries Increase

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 you talk of wages being capped
of grounds and salads being sapped
of our last healthy luxury
and our beloved celery
we never thought we’d see the day
we’d throw our greenest friends away
away away and here at home
where celery has long been thrown

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 no more to wave our lovely stalks
while popping winning champagne corks
no more those moments in our lives
when we can greet our players wives
with vegetables instead of pies
a vegan tear is in my eyes
deflated now my rawest treat
and I must pray that soon I’ll meet
my fashion conscious Chelsea fans
with safer objects in their hands
in emerald green and plastic style
that could not harm a baby child
enormous as the salaries
we’ll wave inflated celeries

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 we never thought we’d see the day
we’d throw our greenest friends away
our final stalks have all been thrown
the greenest mates I’ve ever known
and there was I about to blame
another aspect of the game
inflated mega salaries
instead of humble celeries


How sad and just as I thought we were setting an example as one of the greenest in the Premiership? Celery banned from Chelsea, but does that include giant inflatable ones I wonder? I watched at the ground in awe as Chelsea received their first tittle in 50 years. For me though, and many I’m sure , one of the most defining moments in an era of waiting was when all the players WAGS (wives and girlfriends) walked onto the pitch to a beautiful rendition of the oft-sung ballad ‘Celery’ accompanied by a welcoming shower of our finest lovely green tipped friends. Such a sight that day, Mother Nature’s garden trophies glinting like proud un-budded Wordsworthian daffodils in the championed sunlight . All this after the news that (and to quote CFC’s official website …)
“The throwing of anything at a football match, including celery, is a criminal offence for which you can be arrested and end up with a criminal record.The Football Association is now investigating referees’ reports that celery has been thrown at two recent Chelsea Football Club matches which could result in sanctions being taken against the club.
In future, if anyone is found attempting to bring celery into Stamford Bridge they could be refused entry and anyone caught throwing celery will face a ban.”

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-celeries-increase/