Football Poets

The Frankenstein of Football

¶ 1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 In the early ninetenth century,
As the age of science dawned,
Baron Frankenstein had a theory
Which all his colleagues scorned.

¶ 2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 He set about to prove them wrong.
He was sure he had found a way
Of bringing life to inanimate things
In spite of what others might say.

¶ 3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 He took bones from charnel houses
And some bits and bats from the vet.
He constructed some semblance of a man
Like a child with a Lego set.

¶ 4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Then with a touch of Gothic genius,
Before you could say knife,
By the power of electricity
He brought the creature to life.

¶ 5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 The creation was not a great success
Whichever way it was viewed.
Everyone called it a monster,
It was awkward, ugly and crude.

¶ 6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Let us move on a few generations.
It is the nineteen nineties now,
And a descendant of the baron
Has discovered the lost know-how.

¶ 7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Young Franz Frankenstein lived in Zurich
And was a dedicated Grasshoppers fan.
He unearthed the baron’s secret
And evolved a monstrous plan.

¶ 8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Whenever a famous footballer died
And went to play for his maker,
Young Franz went to steal the corpse
From the local undertaker.

¶ 9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 He mixed and matched and modified
Till he assembled a mighty frame.
He was sure that one with such physique
Would be outstanding in the game.

¶ 10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 Young Frankenstein followed the method
His ancestor used, years before.
After a mighty surge of electrons
His superman rose from the floor.

¶ 11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 Alas the result was much the same,
Another monster had been created.
It surpassed most men in terms of power,
But its intellect was sadly truncated.

¶ 12 Leave a comment on verse 12 0 Nevertheless it achieved success,
With a capacity for kicking hard.
Lack of distinction between man and ball
Invoked many a yellow card.

¶ 13 Leave a comment on verse 13 0 It never shirked a tackle,
It proved itself hard as nails.
Before long came the international call
To play for the Swiss against Wales.

¶ 14 Leave a comment on verse 14 0 The match kicked off at Ninian Park.
Soon Wales were on the attack.
The monster jumped to head the ball
And ended up flat on its back.

¶ 15 Leave a comment on verse 15 0 It was the first time this had happened.
The monster growled “Some one’s in trouble.”
When the culprit was identified
It was glaring at its double.

¶ 16 Leave a comment on verse 16 0 As the two squared up to each other
They looked just like two clones.
The monster gasped when the other yelled
“Just watch it pal, I’m Vinny Jones!”

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