Two Ply Boots

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 I think I’m hearing things
Did he just say ‘knitted boots’ or have I cloth ears?
I can’t have heard what I just heard
I’ve heard nothing like it in all my years

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Colourful boots are now the norm
Rainbow, neon, pink or yellow
But now they’re wearing knitted boots
Woolly footwear for get-ahead fellows

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Surely knitted boots are “socks”
The very thought has me losing sleep
I’m wide awake fretting over what comes next
The only woollies* should be me counting sheep

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 There’s talk about physical contact in our game
Players should go soft and tackle with care
They have gloves and snoods and ponytails
Now the boots are finest cashmere!

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Lightweight balls are a good thing
Dubbin heavy old boots a thing of the past
Hairbands and mittens a must have
Knitted boots? – I’m aghast!


Living my sheltered life, I missed out on the launch of all-in-one knitted boots earlier this month, and couldn’t believe my ears when I caught ‘wearing knitted boots’ on the commentary of Liverpool v Sunderland last night..

Everything changes. Sometimes it makes sense; aluminium goalposts are maybe safer than our old wooden ones, rotted by weather and eaten by insects as they were. I guess old centre forwards and ‘keepers had splinters the size of javelins after a few goalmouth scrimmages. Glad to see the back of the lethally heavy rain-laden laced leather balls which are still taking a toll. But, knitted boots?! My antique brain creaks at the wonder of its invention – do they stick sequins on for studs?!!

* The only other Woolies is where I got my pick ‘n’ mix and 7″
singles and had lunch in the cafeteria upstairs on a Saturday.

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/two-ply-boots/